Bad Timing and Making a Mess of Things

[slow_it_down]

Yesterday was an emotionally tumultuous day. Today feels much better.

Lately, I've been spending a lot more time in prayer and in regard to whether or not to pursue this job I decided to put my arms out and leave it in God's hands. I asked him to shine a light on what I should do. After H's surprising response about him turning down jobs to stay near our S (unexpected and a tiny tiny glimmer of hope that he can care about someone outside of himself at the moment) I also found out that the company I was looking to work for is pretty unlikely to budge on giving me benefits before the 90 day mark. I'm not about to give up my benefits package right before delivery so this was a huge red flag. I've also noticed this is a rush hire and things would really need to move very quickly with many many things have to fall in place for this to work out. Now I'm not shy about accepting some risk, but I just kept thinking with a screen name like "slow-it-down" maybe the guy upstairs is giving me anxiety about the pace of moving forward so fast for a reason... like maybe it wasn't such a good idea at this exact moment in my life.

Case in point? I decided to slow-it-down, pass up the interview and give myself more time to figure out what's going to be best for me, S and even my M if its still possible to get it back on track.

Back to working on my personal goals and going dark for the last 2 mo of my pregnancy!