Hi everyone, I am new here and am seeking advice or anything to help me through this difficult time in my life. Here’s the background: high school sweethearts, T 11 years total, M 3 years, and 1.5 year old S. Yesterday, H and I had a misunderstanding about paying a bill (money argument, of course!) and it turned into an argument. Well, H then proceeded to tell me he was not happy with me anymore and hasn’t been for awhile, and when I asked why, he told me he was not physically attracted to me anymore. I am actually already in the process of losing some weight (currently a size 10/12 and 5’7” – goal is around a size 6). I also receive compliments often from coworkers and even strangers on my appearance, outfits, etc. so I do try and look nice. Of course his comments hurt my feelings deeply, but I asked him if there was anything about my appearance he would change, what would it be (trying to see if it was the weight, etc.). He told me nothing and that he just plain didn’t find me attractive anymore and he will not live his life unhappy and wants a divorce. I was blindsided, as we do not argue often and I felt we were in a pretty good place as far as our relationship and felt comfortable in knowing we were in it for the long haul. After he told me this (through text message, while I was at work trying to hold it together), I did not respond again because of anger and hurt feelings. On my way home from work yesterday, I was in a car accident that was unavoidable but insurance-wise I was at fault. I sent H a text letting him know about it and that I was okay while filling out the reports, and he responded, “just great. wonderful.” The police checked my car and said it should be okay to drive, and not 10 minutes later it broke down. I tried to call H and he did not answer so I was able to contact my ILs who waited for the tow with me and dropped me off at home. When I walked into the door, H made some rude comment so I said something like, “it was an accident, I can’t believe you are mad at me about it” and he responded that basically I probably did it on purpose for attention. After that remark, I slept on the couch last night because I could not stand to sleep next to him. Today, I noticed he took off his wedding ring and is not wearing it (he usually wears it 24/7). He told me earlier I could keep the house and he would get an apartment while we pay off some debt and then we can get lawyers. I do not suspect that he is having an affair. I have no reason to be suspicous but I did check the phone bill yesterday after the B and didn’t see any strange phone numbers, weird times, etc. I feel blindsided by all of this and cannot believe he will not try to work it out at all with me, even though we have a child together and I told him I will do whatever it takes to make this work. He is refusing to see a counselor and seems dead set on divorcing me. It makes me so sad that someone who I love and consider my life partner would just turn on me and be so cold. I know everyone in these forums has relationship problems as well, and it honestly makes me want to shut off from H completely at this point in order to avoid more heartache than I am already experiencing. And I can’t even think of our S in all of this. One thing that was always so important to H and myself was having a two parent home for our children. When I asked him about that yesterday, he said, “Sorry, but I’m not being unhappy for the rest of my life.” I have read the 37 rules, but any advice or thoughts on my situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
