Wild Horses (couldn't drag me away)

[reachingHigher]

Hi FY,

I'm so very sorry the trip wasn't the special anniversary trip you deserved as a faithful, loving, devoted H. But I'm glad that your W was able to open up some about her feelings.

So very much pain is in her heart.

You know, I'm a believer in "anything can happen".

My H told me last year that as we were preparing to renew vows for our 10th anniversary (2008). he was feeling like he didn't want to go through with it.

And last June we had "the R talk" where he said he was never coming back. I was okay with it, during the talk, understanding and all that. It was after that talk I really started to feel like crap.

I wish I could make it better for you :-/

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My H started a habit when the kids were little where I felt my personal space very violated even though we were M.

I was angry and resentful for years and this happened to coincide with his MLC. Although I'm sure his sister dying had more to do with it.

It wasn't until I realized how unhappy he was in the M, that my anger about this issue melted.

I'm not suggesting any course of action for you. And I had no SA background. I'm just saying I understand anger about some personal violation, but for me, perhaps my H and I were needing an overhaul on communication anyway and anger pops up where it will.

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Our spouses have to figure out on their own that we are the best option for them. We demonstrate this with actions, not words. So wisely said.

It seems like she is okay with life with you but terrified of any touch from you.

My H also was/is the same about talking to anyone else. Whenever I say things like, "people don't do such-and-such" he reminds me that other people don't run his life. Well, that's only words of course, since our spouse's friends seem to have a powerful influence. It's just OUR POV or people that support it they don't want to hear, I think.

I'm shocked my H asked for MC. Really shocked. And he is okay mostly with it. Although sometimes I think he goes in with the attitude: "she's broken. Please fix her.". But it is getting some of the hard issues, some of the past ingrained patterns out in the open.

FY, you're doing terrific in a painful sitch. I think just keeping faithful is all you can do if you are still desirous of standing. There will be some more issues coming up soon, I think.

And I know what you mean when our spouses talk about D without saying the words. Like they think about it all the time and it just spills out of their mouths and you are s'posed to be up-to-date on how they are feeling. So confusing.

I'm wishing you the best,
Every day,
rH