further update - just got back from morning out with mom (87) - she lives about 1 hour away and I go over every so often to take her to brunch and then to the store. She is doing fine. C misses her alot - she lost her mom just before we met and kinda pluged that empty hole with feelings for my mom. she said since the split that going over to see her was one of the things she really missed.
As I drove over to mom’s, I called C on my cell. She had to get up at 5:15 this morning to go over to son's house to baby sit the two grandkids. We had a good talk - I wanted to make sure that she knew that I left last night not because I was mad at her but because I felt that I needed to be alone some. She had said that she wanted me to call her when I got home so that she would know that I was alright. I did not call as she had taken a sleeping pill just before she went to bed and I was thinking that she would really be in a deep sleep and did not need to wake up.
I did tell her that I was ok and sounded as upbeat as I could. I told her that I had been thinking and that really nothing has changed in that all of our positives happened after the bomb and D and really the only difference is that know I have a little more insight to her thinking during that time. I told her that my goal as to us was unchanged but I did not dwell on that much. While I did feel that I needed for her to know this information and my feelings, I fully intend to back down on my initial contacts. She needs spaaaaaaace to think.
I wanted her to know that I was not rejecting us or her and thus make her decision for her as to our future relationship. She has to make that choice herself and I will not push her to make the choice. I believe that even though I told her last night that I would be willing to share her that she knows that that would not be a permanent situation.
I will have not contact (unless she calls) until I go over tomorrow night to help with computers again although I did tell her that I would call before coming over.
I have two things to hold onto - she wanted our pets to continue to have contact with each other so that would play together. (Unless she is keeping the option on us getting back together again open then there would be no need for this) and she wants me to continue to take my Testosterone supplement. (I was thinking that if I was on AD’s, which lessen sex drive and libido then why take Testosterone to increase it?) She said that sex was the last thing on her mind right now (which is fine with me - I want her to both of us in other areas) So I will continue with the supplements. Also it seems that my Dr. gave me a good supply of Alprazolam for my anxiety.
Well weather is not good for flying so I will likely just do ground school and I have to be at the airport by 4- catch you all later
