When I first came on this Board I read a post on someone else's thread that said that this is not a game to be won or lost. Somehow, I have always taken that to heart. I truly believed that in opening up and contacting him via text, that would open up the door a little and invite him to initiate some contact with me. That so did not happen. Without that little effort on his part, the flame just seems to be dying.
No you didn't have the response you wanted Portia, but he DID respond. I just remembered that post, earlier this month on this thread, from someone named Scout. It made so much sense to me that I copied it on my phone, do you remember it? Scout wrote:
"The longer either of you leaves it, the longer and more difficult it'll be to reestablish contact. If he's in Midlife Crisis it's unreasonable to expect that he will do anything, so darl, it's squarely up to you.
And so my advice to you is to initiate contact, but not without doing some important things first.
First, you need to know who and what you are. You need to have a strong sense of self - independent of the people around you - and a healthy self esteem. Both of these things need to be rock-solid. If you're going to hold your hand out to someone who is dangling over a precipice, you need to make sure you're standing and holding onto something solid yourself. I know that what's happened has in all likelihood given your sense of self a battering, but remember you are a spectacular human being. You are not what people - including your husband - think of you.
Once you've done this, you need to set some boundaries. Do not allow the possibility of conflict when you contact him. Keep communications simple, breezy, and COMPLETLY stress- and emotion-free. Like Phoenix says, "put a smile in your voice". If he's shown the tendency to be hurtful since he entered Midlife Crisis, remove yourself from the situation. One woman found she could remove herself mentally, but sometimes she had to remove herself physically as well. I've found the former impossible, and can only do the latter. A couple of months ago now I let husband know that I would only talk to him if he was polite. If I've felt tension rising, I've said something like, "You know what? Let's talk about this later when we're both calmer, OK?"
Finally, remove expectation from the equation. If you initiate contact but don't expect anything (and I mean ANYTHING - good or bad) there can be no hurt. Chuck it out there. If he takes it, great. If he doesn't, great. You're doing the right thing regardless of his reaction. You contact him. You contact him because this is something YOU want to do, YOU need to do. If he doesn't want it, what does this have to do with you? He's doing what he wants and needs to do, now you do what you want and need to do. It's only a wild guess, but I think that you might him a bit frosty at first - particularly if he's suspicious - but he'll eventually be OK. And like I say, keep it light, bright, breezy. Nothing heavy duty, no talking about your relationship. NO tears! Make phone calls as short as they need to be to keep yourself under control.
I expect the first time you do this will be very difficult. But you can do it."
I know you alternately think that you should be done and that you are done. And temporarily, in the meanwhile, you can put all thoughts of your SO behind you, and have a nice summer. But my point is that the fact that he did not respond like you wanted does not mean that the flame is dying until YOU'RE ready to snuff it out for good. And that if you get the urge to text him again, I think you should feel free to. Just rambling, sorry.
