Bad Timing and Making a Mess of Things

[slow_it_down]

Thanks for your feedback RockJC. When I tried to call H today as he requested he sent me straight to voicemail and responded by text a few minutes later. The fact that he couldn't even talk to me signifies that even after a few weeks of space nothing has really changed for him. Which is ok - just interesting to see.

As expected he's upset that I'd consider moving our S away from him and he made sure to point out that he'll be meeting with a lawyer in coming weeks. This is also ok as I know that when it comes to child support and my ability to move for work there isn't a ton he's going to be able to do to prevent me from doing what I need to do. It just stinks to have to talk about anything unsavory like money or living arrangements when I'd rather just stay dark and avoid contact. On the positive, the fact that he said 'in a few weeks' in terms of contacting a lawyer also sounds like it isn't a pressing concern that he's rushing out to handle. He still hasn't filed for a D despite things being 'over' between us and seeing this OW so I'm still going to proceed knowing that anything is possible in the future.

I called him back after his text because I was not about to have that conversation electronically. I explained where I'm coming from and said that I'd be coming back to town every other weekend anyways (to take my other children to see their dad) so its not like he wouldn't still see our S on a regular basis and it wouldn't end up being any more driving for him.

On the phone he mentioned he's turned down 2 job interview requests located right where we always had hoped and dreamed to settle down so that was a bit of a bummer and I can certainly understand why me thinking of taking a job out of town would really rub him the wrong way right now. I'm not naive enough to think that him turning those jobs down was just for the sake of staying near our S since he is after all involved with an OW who is also keeping him here.

I got answers to some of my questions about his job hunting intentions for the next few months to a year and the conversation remained 100% on topic about work, pretty devoid of emotion good or bad for either of us and certainly no R talk.

It stinks that I had to even bring any of this up with my H and set-back any gains I had made for myself (in detaching) and for our relationship as up till now I've remained distant but friendly and without pressure.

I know I'm doing a lot of mind reading but I know he's going to just stew over this and it will be the only thing he'll think of when he thinks of me for the foreseeable future. Its hard to imagine myself as a spouse he'd be a fool to leave when the conversations I have to have with him pertain to what he'll owe me for child support (a lot given how expensive a newborn is in daycare) and about me working out of town. Ah the joys / frustrations of DBing with a baby on the way.

Trying to stay hopeful but feeling pretty hopeless at the moment.