positives from yesterday - ??? as to C & me - not much to report - I took off yesterday afternoon and drove around some - still have a LOT on my mind. when I got home I noticed an IM from mid afternoon on my home computer from C that simply said "I'm back" her status was shown as "away" but I replied with alittle message of chit chat so she would see the next time she came back to her computer that I was not ignoring her. no calls last night - I feel that I need to give her lots of space now. let her make the next move. she told me that her Phychiatrist told her "don't make any major decisions now" and "do things for you" I think I will also follow that advice.
I will have to see her this weekend though as we jointly own an accounting program that her parttime bookkeeper uses to generate my company payroll checks. her Bookkeeper called me yesterday and told me she would print them and leave them with C, and Monday is payday so I have to get them this weekend.
I thought that I was walking a fine line before but now it almost feels like I am Darned if I do and Darned if I don't
Quote: I thought that I was walking a fine line before but now it almost feels like I am Darned if I do and Darned if I don't
I think, hon, that when you feel this way, the best thing to do is put the focus back on working on yourself, and on getting a happier life for yourself. The happier, healthier you are, the better the chances for your R. And you really don't have control over whether she gets better or not, deals with her demons or not. Just be loving and patient, but don't lose focus on the new you that you've been building - how are those flying lessons going by the way?
Hi there Ellie - Flying is going well but only been up twice - suppose to fly again tomorrow afternoon. I am thinking of working on myself more now - that is why I went to the Dr. and she put me on Wellbutrin - going to just cruise some and let the meds take hold - get me over the hump so to speak - I wish I could fill you in on the details - would like a Dr.s opinion - Some others on the board that I can IM with know more - if you would like more details you can email me at odga(at)hotmail(dot)com and I would be happy to fill you in.
By the way - How are things w your D - I hope she is doing better - it is a good chance for you two to spend quality time together.
well - PMA is up a notch or two - IM w/ C during lunch after alittle chit chat she aske me to call her so that she could get my phone # off the ID. (she could have just asked me to type it in) I call and she copies down the number and we talk some more and she ask if I can come over either tonight or Sunday night to help her with her work computer (she still refers to me as her Computer man)
So I am going over to see her tonight - will just play it my ear and follow her lead.
Well - I just got back from C - we went out to eat - had a great meal and good conversation - went back home and I helped her fix the maping on her home network and changed a phone around - moved a 4line phone from upstairs to downstairs and a two line from down back up - we then went upstairs and talked to sis and niece who had come over for a few then after they left we chit chatted for a few - She told me that I should take our puppy home some as she wanted my cat and the puppy stay connected. after a few minutes we had a talk about last weekend.
Last weekend she called me and told me that I could do much better than her and that I should move on. Since she was crying and seemed to have had a few too many margariats - I asked her what had brought this on and she said that she had had sex with some one else and she knew that I would never forgive her. I told her that this is something that we should talk about together and not on the phone - would it be ok for me to come over. she was supprised that I still wanted to see her after what she told me.
I went over and got there about 40 minutes later and could not find her in the house. I did notice the back deck door open and went on the deck and noticed that she was down on the patio in the hot tub. When went down the stairs and over to the hot tub I noticed a bottle of Tequila on the hot tub lid. The first thing I heard her say was "help me". I noticed that she was very limp, could not stand up and was very incoherent. I tried to get her out but she was not able to help me and I could not lift her out myself. She kept slipping under the water and I even crawled into the tub with my clothes on to get her out. I finally realized that I had to get more help and called 911 and her sis after what seemed like an eternity help arrived and we were able to get her out. She was very embarrased about the whole thing and she has later said that she had not intended to go what she did but had just done a very stupid thing. Said she was very thankful that I was there and that she was alive today because of me.
I hate to think that if I had been a few minutes later or had an accident on the way over or not even gone over then she would not be with us today. Lots of boose and solo hot tubing don't mix and can be deadly. She would have drowned, or had a heat stroke as the hot water was raising her body temp to a dangerous level. EMTs and her sis (the nurse) checked her out and she was ok - just drunk (which is very very unlike her)
I stayed with her Sunday night, all day Monday and Monday night to make sure she was ok.
Well now that you know some of the background --- tonight we started talking about her telling me that she had had sex with someone else it seems that there was not only a OM, but a full blown PR that started before the D and is still ongoing. However she says that she still cares for me and loves me. As for going with me to Boston at the end of April - she said that part of her desperately wants to go and part of her still needs to make a decision.
It was getting late and she wanted me to stay the night (albeit in the guest room) I almost stayed. In fact she had already gotten ready for bed and had taken a sleeping pill and gone to bed - I just left and came home -- did not even say bye.
She told me earlier that her new meds should make her start feeling better in a few weeks and the AD that I just started may start to help me in a week or two also so I will just chill for now - be a friend.
Odga - sorry to hear the latest Remember this though - your behavior throughout has been exemplary. OG's has probably not been (either pressuring or just not being as great as you). Stick to the high road - she's very confused, but don't forget all the great progress you've made.
further update - just got back from morning out with mom (87) - she lives about 1 hour away and I go over every so often to take her to brunch and then to the store. She is doing fine. C misses her alot - she lost her mom just before we met and kinda pluged that empty hole with feelings for my mom. she said since the split that going over to see her was one of the things she really missed.
As I drove over to mom’s, I called C on my cell. She had to get up at 5:15 this morning to go over to son's house to baby sit the two grandkids. We had a good talk - I wanted to make sure that she knew that I left last night not because I was mad at her but because I felt that I needed to be alone some. She had said that she wanted me to call her when I got home so that she would know that I was alright. I did not call as she had taken a sleeping pill just before she went to bed and I was thinking that she would really be in a deep sleep and did not need to wake up.
I did tell her that I was ok and sounded as upbeat as I could. I told her that I had been thinking and that really nothing has changed in that all of our positives happened after the bomb and D and really the only difference is that know I have a little more insight to her thinking during that time. I told her that my goal as to us was unchanged but I did not dwell on that much. While I did feel that I needed for her to know this information and my feelings, I fully intend to back down on my initial contacts. She needs spaaaaaaace to think.
I wanted her to know that I was not rejecting us or her and thus make her decision for her as to our future relationship. She has to make that choice herself and I will not push her to make the choice. I believe that even though I told her last night that I would be willing to share her that she knows that that would not be a permanent situation.
I will have not contact (unless she calls) until I go over tomorrow night to help with computers again although I did tell her that I would call before coming over.
I have two things to hold onto - she wanted our pets to continue to have contact with each other so that would play together. (Unless she is keeping the option on us getting back together again open then there would be no need for this) and she wants me to continue to take my Testosterone supplement. (I was thinking that if I was on AD’s, which lessen sex drive and libido then why take Testosterone to increase it?) She said that sex was the last thing on her mind right now (which is fine with me - I want her to both of us in other areas) So I will continue with the supplements. Also it seems that my Dr. gave me a good supply of Alprazolam for my anxiety.
Well weather is not good for flying so I will likely just do ground school and I have to be at the airport by 4- catch you all later
Odga, So sorry to hear about OG... I KNOW how hard that was to hear, and I know that your wonderful thoughts about C may be somewhat replaced with not so great thoughts about OG... hang on to those good thoughts. Hang on to knowing that you were there for her when she needed you. Hang on to the wonderful times you two have had and are having together. Hang on to her talking to you about OG...
I think this is where my H is... trying to make the decision. And it leaves the LBS in a terrible place. If only we could have some affirmation... but you do have so much of that... she is SO confused. Hang in there and keep being the wonderful man you are being.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
