WAW having affair, still living in separate rooms

[kenva]

So, is this a test? We have certain rules when it comes to our sons sleeping. He is in bed at 8 and he sleeps in his room not w us. So on occasion when they go to her mothers house for the day she tends to come home around 8 so he's in bed a little after that. Last night she didn't come home till 820. S and I were in his room reading like we always do before bed. At 845 I came down and he was in her room. I called for him and w answered he's in here almost asleep. So I say, he's going to be in there? Yes. That's all I wanted to know. I'm a little ticked off that she can come home when she wants then expect to see him and let him stay in his room. I left early this morning right when they got up. I didn't say anything.

[kenva]

Got a happy birthday from w this morning and that was it. Got a massage and had a good workout. She got home from work and has said nothing else. Had dinner w s while she ate by herself in front of tv. S ask about a bday cake and told him, not this year. As soon as he goes to bed I'm going out. Going to treat myself to a bday ice cream.

[kenva]

I am starting to get fed up with it. All I keep thinking is to tell her to pack her s*** and move. Just need to get motivated and get back on track.

[kenva]

How does someone deal w a disrespectful wife and still try to stay on track w DB? We still live together eating and sleeping separate. Basically ignoring me when home and emailing/ texting to communicate. A few times she has spent night out w out even letting me know and coming home late on occasion. Only finding out from our son that she is going to be late.

[JuneReN]

What do you want here? How is she disrespectful? Did you ask her to let you know, or just expect? If you don't want to know, then don't ask, but you can't expect the behaviour either.

If you accept whatever behaviour is happening it will continue. Is it working for you?

What are some changes you would like to see? If you model behaviour sometimes it gets picked up.

PS-a while back you told S no bday cake. You should have said "Nope, we are doing it different this year..it's BIRTHDAY ICE CREAM!!!!!" Woohoo!!! And made a day of it

[kenva]

She is trying to prove that even tho we live in same house we are separated. We are basically roommates which, wouldn't you tell your roommate you weren't coming home? I don't expect her to tell me where or what she is doing but I have an idea. What I really want here, and everyone around us even her family, is to wake up and smell the coffee. I am still talking to DB coach and he helps me get back on the saddle when I start to feel I am lost. I have come to terms that she is still pushing for divorce but it is really hard to swallow. 2 years now.

[JuneReN]

Okay,then have a seat with wife and tell her. Make the conversation about respect for living with another person. That m being separated doesn't exclude you from courtesy and respect. Not in those words, because they are harsh and preachy, but that is what the convo should be about.

If you want to see a different behaviour, then you have to ask.

By the way, she is smelling the coffee, just not the brand you want her to.

[kenva]

Getting really frustrated and trying to calm myself down. How do you confront or tell, better yet, your wife that she is a complete idiot and she is embarrassing me her son and her family by sleeping and still seeing this OM ? Wake up!!! Is what I want to tell her.

[kenva]

So sat night she actually text me and said that s and I have the house to our selves and if I need her sun to be w him to let her know. I replied, " we're good". I knew she was going to spend the night out anyway but it was a change of her actually telling me. She usually just doesn't come home when she is going out in weekend. She came home sun around 7 and said nothing to me, used to that. This morning I briefly spoke to her about s, just to have a conversation. She is still a bitter woman.

[kenva]

Our anniversary is Saturday. Don't know if I should even acknowledge it. Last year I asked her to go to a light dinner which we did but w our s. which was good w me. But for the last 5 months she has been real distant from me. Not eating dinner together nor does she even acknowledge me when she comes home. She basically stays away from me cause when I rejected the divorce papers, it was on grounds that we didn't live separated. So!! Does anyone have any suggestions?