So here it is - H has definitely given up on R. Still living in house but that is probably only because he doesn't have first and last rent yet. OW has a tight grip on him - she is the one who's been doing most of the chasing from what I've seen. She knows he's married, but it's like she doesn't care - like it's case of her marriage failed years ago and no one else deserves to have a happy marriage.
There were problems in our R before she was introduced to him, but they were all easily fixable if he had talked to me instead of people outside the marriage, people who took it upon themselves to fix him up with one of their friends. He now blames me for everything that is wrong with the R, says he doesn't trust me (and he's the one who broke the marital vows) and thinks I'm only trying to "win him back" because of OW. How would he know whether that's true or not when she's still around - he's always going to think that so long as she's around.
He texted me last night, but I suspect it was meant for her, not me as we'd only been texting about S13 - "Sometimes it's hard. I've never had to deal with anything like us before. Sometimes I'm insecure and that's just not me".
He's gone almost frigid with me - barely speaks, stays out or up late, little to no eye contact when we do talk, one word answers. S13 is starting to feel neglected by him and has talked to me about it. H even refused to go to school presentation today with S13. All I can say to S13 is that his mom and dad are having problems, but that he must always remember that it is not because of him and that we will both always love him, also that sometimes it's hard for people to show their love when their mind is in turmoil. I think he understands, but it hurts watching him try to connect with H when H's mind is not in the family anymore.
This is not where I want to be. My vows meant something and I never thought "Til death do us part" would mean the death of one's love for the other. The last time we had any kind of conversation he said he still had feelings for me and that is why he's still here. I thought I had my emotions under control and was detaching pretty well, but the last few days have opened up wounds again and the slightest things set me off.
Nothing I do is right. If I pull back, I'm ignoring him. If I try to talk or connect, I'm being clingy. If I get mad, I'm wrong and if I cry, I'm too needy. I feel that I'm fighting a losing battle and I don't like the feeling. I don't ask where he's going or when he'll be back, I've stopped asking what he wants for dinner - but then he says that's the problem in the first place.
