round and around we go

[lovethehub]

He is not IMO, trying to WIN me back. He justs expects to be back...

Make him win you back! Do not be available every time he wants you to be, do not reply to all texts (or at least wait a while), if he brings up moving back home tell him you are not ready for that yet

[willbwell]

I've been so busy with my class. Haven't had a chance to read posts or try and digest this latest with H. I don't even know what I am feeling...Need to make my next app. with my Coach. saw my IC here. I am still working on me. I want to bring something different to the M. I am still too guarded around H. Afraid, I will say or do something and there he goes again. Really, I think this is why my boys have been so standoffish.

[willbwell]

S19 is really struggling with his feelins. He says his brother 16 is too. Not sure that they want dad hanging around. Says it feels weird. They know about A. H had told them. wish I knew what to say to them. I've talked with S19. S16 doesn't talk about it. says it doesn't bother him(to me)
I have one more week of classes, then I can spend some time reading

[chl0901]

I'm sorry to see this situation. My dad left my mom after 26 years of marriage a few years ago and my three siblings and my relationship with our dad has been strained ever since. He remarried recently and it's been awkward for all of us. My mom had a very difficult time with the divorce (she felt blindsided), and dealt with a lot of sadness and bitterness, while my dad went straight to a new relationship (his now-wife). I hope your H will try to keep his relationship with your children in tact regardless of the outcome. Good luck.

[willbwell]

thanks for the reply. I tell my kids that they are still to do their best. They see me showing compassion and forgiveness. they know that I am a spiritual and happy person. They know they can count on me. I hope my H will figure it out, but if not it is truly his loss.

[willbwell]

Need help ! Want to lash out. So angry right now. Can't go for a walk. Need to get my daughter to bed. Son spends too much time on computer. We are all grouchy at each other. I am mad at H. Telling myself to stop. Just so pi$$Ed at what he has done to my kids. They are hurting. What does he do? He spends timewith his work people. Throw appreciation parties for them. It's such BS.

[lovethehub]

Willb,


I am sorry to hear things still seem to be messed up, haven't read your post in a while because time is so limited.

So angry right now. Can't go for a walk. Need to get my daughter to bed. Son spends too much time on computer. We are all grouchy at each other. I am mad at H. Telling myself to stop. Just so pi$$Ed at what he has done to my kids. They are hurting.

What has been going on? What have you been doing to work on yourself and worry about you? It sounds like you are still basing your feelings on H. Maybe not, but it sounds like it.

I understand you being pissed, however, that needs to be quietly. The best thing you can do for your kids is show a PMA, show them grace and dignity in the situation and keep working on yourself.

It doesn't sound like you are the least bit detached. I know it isn't easy but it is important.

Is your H WAS or MLC?

[willbwell]

hello, not been on in a while.
thanks for reading my post lovethehub.
I am still not detached. I have to remind myself daily.no expectations. He was back at home early July. I know... I shouldn't have allowed it. This was the third time he has said he wants to come back home.(Feb. and last Aug) he stays for about a week or two, and then he leaves again. Talk about confusing for the kids. I just wanted so bad for our m to work, for our family to be back intact, to move on...
I am working on me. I start classes again in a couple of week. I do yoga. I have great friends and a great family. I am upbeat and positive when H is around. I see an IC. I come here to vent. h has seen an attorney. says he wants to do collaborative. I followed the advice here. i've spoken with a coach. H is imo in mlc. also an ongoing ow .for now, I stay in limbo.

[willbwell]

H wants to talk on Wednesday.

I will listen.
I will validate
I will say it is not what the kids or I want.

What else wise DBers???

[willbwell]

H likes to say that we are on different paths. He knows my path...taking care of our children and home. I have asked him what his 'path' looks like?

H says he grew apart from me. that the gulf is too big. He will say he is sorry. the ILYBMIL. he doesn't want to work. he doesn't care what a therapist would say.

he wants to be friendly and amicable. I have remained so always leaving the path home accessible. He's returned twice since initial separation. I have given him his space.

We will forever be connected(or so I think) because of our D who has special needs. She will never live on her own. She will live with me or possibly in the future in a group home. This is part of my path. I do not begrudge it.

my fear is of being alone. My plans for the future, I thought would include both me and H taking care of D together. H wants to go off and do his own thing. He already has r with ow. he is not one to be alone. Yes, I try to push these thoughts out of my head. life is not fair. I know. Its how we choose to respond.