I am trying to be there for her less. Ya know what's sick? It's probably harder for me than it is on her. Just today I was out with S after work and took him for ice cream and to pick out a toy. He picked something that was sooo reflective of his mother I wanted to text and share the story/picture - but I had to sit on my hands. No more of that. It's tough because we both have such a bond with him at times I feel no one would appreciate the little subtle things/new about him as much as she would. No matter. It is what it is.
Yeah, my lifespan for active reproduction is longer than hers by a margin. Two things, though. 1.) Some of the problems that resulted in us going IVF were mine - a majority, really. 2.) The unspoken thing that a lot of men fret about is being the geriatric old guy at little league games (just a metaphor for being to old to keep up with a little one). So we don't have a biological clock per se....more like an egg timer. 1 is more of an issue than 2, but I am aware of both.
I know her time is starting to run out - so does she....and how. I am embarrassed to confess that part of me fears that she will just pop off here in the next few (insert measure of time here) and meet someone and have a baby. I know it sounds wholly unreasonable - but at the same time I often wonder if "reason" has left the room.
