Up in the air, LONG

[Demoted26]

Hi AS, THANK YOU for taking the time to read all of that & respond! I took over sn hour to respond, dropped my phone, and lost the whole thing!! Acckkk!!
Will start again...
Am I harboring bitterness regarding him giving up on me?
At first I thought out was purely hurt, but no...there IS bitterness. I adjusted to him & his quirks, forgave things I said I never could, loved him through some SERIOUSLY hard times & situations.
For him to throw in the towel when the problems were more mine & HE had to bend/cope & instead he gives up? Yeah, that stings. Bigtime. I now know his love for me wasn't the thing I believed it to be.

Am I pursuing him?
Yes, I am...but I allie him to drive the tone & amount of pursuit. Hes strange that he is also pursing me & seeking my pursuit of him. I tried distancing & that did not work. He became more distant, unfriendly.
If I flirt if he's flirty, am understanding when he needs it, he gives the same back. Its really weird. Occassionally I probably overstep, but I trey to be VERY concious of how far I allow myself to go. I know him well enough that I watch closet for signs of withdrawl.
He's very much into keeping in close touch, texting, visiting, etc.
We do not talk on the phone (I NEVER call). Otherwise he is in touch from 5:30am when he wishes me a good morning, until he leaves quirk our goes to sleep. Sometimes as late as midnight. I respond in kind, but do not initiate the conversations not keep them going. He does. It's so unusual...he doesn't for the mold for sure!

My definition of giving up?

No longer holding out hope that he will again move me as a wife, consider me an integral part if his life, a partner.
I struggle with just turning away & keyring him do his thing. He days hes not sure if he would our wouldn't be happier without me in his life. I guess that hurts my ego AND my heart. Would it be faster to just "rip off the Band Aid"?

GAL?
Guess I've done more than I thought. I take my dogs walking/ swimming at the river, daughter & I go out to eat or shop. I go to fruit markets, dog play group (where I volunteer for the trainer to offset costs). I went to a pet festival/concert with my Great Dane, alone...that was huge for me.