Crimson.....Are we broken or just bent?

[25yearsmlc]

AS,

What you described as what she was picturing in her head was pretty much what I'd been living the last three months.

Furthermore, she shared that her time away was also difficult. Not a lot of friends, trying to keep S entertained, enduring the scorn of her neighbors because S would cry late at night and early in the morning, boredom, missing S when he was gone. It was not a pretty picture, and I sympathized because I was living an essentially similar life. SHE was the one that wanted to propose coming back.

So what I don't fully grasp is now or why she would want to go back to the way she was living before coming back if it really was that awful for her. She spoke of how her life seemed so "unsettled" and "temporary" at her condo. She flag out said to me "You need to propose something or move on". That is what lead to her moving back.

That is confusing, to say the least. Man she is definitely not in tune with her plans and there is major cognitive dissonance inside her.

So I am left to ponder why she would willfully return to "Shawshank"? Is the prospect of being with me and S full time less attractive than the misery she described at her place by herself? Because if what I provide is worse than what she described, life with me (through her eyes) must be pretty bad.

1) I don't believe it was, objectively speaking, bad at all.

2) IF SHE does believe it was that bad, then she ought to be living away from you.

3) IF she goes from mood to fleeting mood then only time alone, again, will remind her of what she could have had. Needless to say, if she says she wants to move back in,

I'd balk and delay and set up some things for her so you could know she'd be willing to swim across the lake.

Thing is NO R can just resume...without snaffus and rough spots, which she sees as the kiss of death.

Who wants to relate to that? Living with the sword of Damacles over your head forever...

Sandi -

If I knew we would end up together at the end of this process I assure you I would breeze through this process and just enjoy the time I had in front of me. I'd enjoy my time with my son and just ride out this storm. What does that say about me?

Says you miss the part about you GAL and growing. Or is that what you meant by "breezing through this process"? IMO, You need to GAL way more than you realize.


Additionally, if I were to date and she were to know about it I'm. Not sure how she would feel about it.


Well gee, how is she feeling about your reconciliation so far? Oh wait, she ended it...so what do you really have to lose, with her?...


During our "rift" yesterday I said that I would have a hard time with her dating (maybe too honest on my part) and she said "I just want you to be happy". As noted, that seems like the kiss of death. Either way, I think nowadays I would just enjoy the company.


Uh yeah, no need to say more but we get why. Two weeks ago you thought you were reconciling...now you are back to where you were a year ago, OR so it seems.

No more about your feelings for her, okay? She knows...she gets it...she's not there.

I have a question.

How do I handle our remaining embryo now? Do I just avoid the topic for the moment?

YES YOU AVOID IT TOTALLY...for now and the foreseeable future. I don't believe the money is really an issue for you.

Say nothing of it. There is no "winning" on this issue, if you bring it up.

Assume she's given up on it.

The only other possibility is if she can elect to use it without your consent. Can she?


We are still paying to have it stored. I don't want to destroy or donate it,

just curious, is there a market for donating it? Interesting...could you, in theory, hire a surrogate?

I only ask for max information. Never thought of it before. Not suggesting it, but find it intriguing.

Maybe it's the lawyer in me thinking outside the box...oh well.


but we can't go on storing it forever. If I tell my XW that we need to make a decision about it (especially right now) she's likely to believe I'm trying to use it as "leverage" to get her to come back because I know that she does NOT want to destroy or donate it either. I k ow she wants to use it......well, at least she used to up until two weeks ago. Who knows what to think now. Part of me feels that for the moment thins is a topic to not touch with a 10 foot pole.

Go with that belief. I cannot imagine a scenario in which you raise the topic and it's not used against you. Period.

At the same time, if I am truly set to move on, it feel like I need to address it.....even though I really do not want to.

Crimson

IF and when you are in a R with a new woman, and you think it's serious, then you address the embryo with your xw.

TIl then, OR when you develop certainty about moving on = say nothing.

I believe you are not near ready to say that you're ready to move on IN THE WAY that this would signal.

B/C this embryo destruction would be the end of her hopes for another child, she'd blame you forever.

But if there comes a time when that won't bother you too much, or is outweighed by OWs concerns, so be it.