DBing European style, part 3

[Papa4Life]

The last week or so has been torture. I thought heading over for a visit to Florida would help me accept the fact that I'm inevitably, inexorably heading for a divorce (no 'D', let's just come right out and call it what it is). Sadly it just made me miss my W more. Or is it perhaps simply a desire to have someone be kind to me for a change?

I'm gradually coming to the sad conclusion that Monique and I simply aren't right for each other at this point in our lives. I hate to say it, but I don't like this person she's become anymore; always judging me, and looking for reasons to despise me. She avoids any and all OM talk, and I realize now that it's only because she needs to keep on believing that it was my fault all along and that she can't be blamed for doing exactly the thing that she was always so fearful that I would do to her: be unfaithful and leave her for another person.

I long for the day when she can't hurt me anymore, as she's done so often over these past months and years. DB is essentially useless to me now, but I look forward to a day when I'm no longer held sway by her controlling, judgemental, hurtful, deceitful behavior.

Thanks for all the support and kind words and everything everybody, but it's pretty pointless in my sitch to keep dwelling here and fooling myself that my hopes were anything other than completely f---ing misguided.

Good luck in your sitches, but do yourself a favor and prepare for the worst.