I don't want to let H go I still love him with all my heart and soul and I know that I have to let him go I just can't it hurts so much wanting what I can't have right now and hopefully I will be able to get it back and there is a good chance that I will never get it back. Why does this have to hurt so much.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Part of it I had to take care of two kids and I just didnt feel sexy after giving birth to our 2nd child. And at that time I did not realize that I had pushed him away when he tried to be intimate with me. And next thing I knew its been a long time since I noticed that we haven't been intimate with each other and part of it was my fault for not communicating my feelings to him about that. I do have the DB book I haven't poured myself into the book I know I need to do that. I've been spending most of my time with my boys before I go back to work on Thursday. I know that is no excuse for not reading the book. Right now I just feel like spending all my time with my boys.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
You're using your kids as a crutch. And it seems like you had forgotten that you need to nurture your M more than your children. When your H wanted to be intimate with you, were you angry at him or anything? I get the fact that you were tired and I think you forget that there were probably times that he was too. That sex was probably the only way you two could have communicated on a one on one level that doesn't involve the children.
What do you think would happen if you went to MC like you keep telling him to do? Would that actually change YOUR habits? Would you start initiating sex more? What changes would YOU make?
He doesn't want to go to MC because that makes it sound like things were all his fault. It won't do any good if you also aren't committed to change.
If you don't read DB you won't get anywhere. I have two young children that my W had left me with when she walked away. I get it that it can be busy. BUT you find the time and make it a priority.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I guess you are so right I used my kids to not being intimate with my husband and that is why he started to have PA and EA on me all those years ago. I finally stuck my nose into the DB book this is most likely my last chance to save my marriage. I do not see any end to my H and OW affair. I'm planning to seek advice from a lawyer very soon to see what I'm in titled too. I also just learned that OW is married and OW H found out about her affair with my H and OW H called my H and chewwd my H up and down for having an affair with his wife. Neither my H or Ow cares that they are hurting two family's with their affair. All they care is how much they want to be with each other. I hope that one day they will wake up and relize that they had hurt everyone in their own family and it will be to late to get their families back. So i will have to let them keep doing what they are doing and let them keep hurting each of their families.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I know you are hurting right now, but you DO have to let him go.
You will get there, but you have to start taking care of yourself.
And, you are right- there is nothing you can do about your H and OW having their A. Mine is in exactly the same sitch. They just want to be together in their own little fantasy world.
You do have to protect your kids. Do NOT involve them in any way, shape or form in your M crisis. In fact, do everything you can to PROMOTE the R w their dad. This will come back to serve you well down the road-either way!
Hang in there, sweetie, I know this is hard!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I'm trying to be strong for my sons but its so hard I have to keep taking a lot of showers so they don't hear me break down every time. I know they know something is going on. I have told them very little of whats going on. I have told them that mommy and daddy have lots of things on their minds and we are trying to work things out. And we both love them very much and if they have any questions they can always come to either one of us and we will answer any of their questions they may have.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
It's okay to let it all out-- the only way is THROUGH the pain. Sorry, but it's true. I was where you are now, but I'm not any more...you won't be in this stage forever.
And, it's okay to be vulnerable in front of your children (how old are they?) but try to continue to be private whenever you can. Their reaction to the situation will be very much how YOU are reacting. I've learned this first-hand, the hard way!
You ARE stronger than you think, kelela. Believe me, you are.. and over time you will learn this.
Take care of you--one day/one hour/one minute sometimes at a time. And you ARE allowed to use TECHNOLOGY or whatever you need to distract your children when you need time to yourself!
Old rules don't apply as they did before. If you don't put yourself as a priority you cannot be "good" for them--know what I mean?? Hang in there!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
