"I just can't it hurts so much wanting what I can't have right now"

This is why you're failing. Have you read DR or DB yet? You can't keep praying things are going to turn around without doing something about it.

Earlier you mentioned that one of the reasons why he left was because you chose not to be intimate often. Why not?

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER