I can't tell you how much I appreciate you checking in on me! You said you wished there was something you could do, well, you are already doing it. I am grateful for your support.
I am well on my way to being done given the situation. It may be because it has been such a year of loss but I feel worse about our separation than I do about my parent's death. In case that sounds wrong, let me explain. I don't like the losses, full stop. Neither were in my control. But my parent left me with love and would not have chosen to leave me. He did not leave me with love and chose to leave me. With our MLCers, we not only get left (in my case emotionally and physically) but we get betrayed and abandoned which infects the wound and festers.
Given the pain of BD, I never believed I would get to this point. All I wanted was to hold on tight. Like everyone else, I believed that our connection was so strong that it could beat anything. That we are not even friends anymore and I have ceased to be too worried about it never occurred to me.
I am sad and it still hurts. As do my losses from death. But that last abrupt, short texting conversation killed any real hope I had that we would get through this. I may have days when I feel like contacting him, but I only need think of what happened last time to stop myself.
I want to have a good summer, catch up on my work and get some sunshine. Clean out the apartment. Get out the cobwebs.
