i dont know tons about your sitch but wanted to chime in with some thoughts on managing the anxiety... things that helped me.
but most importantly, PON... since we are just hearing snippets of your experience, please find an IC if you haven't already... someone who has worked extensively with anxiety before. please, there is a lot of great research on the brain recently and how different forms of therapeutic interventions create new neural pathways that lessen anxiety..
ok, things that helped me:
1) first is just to recognize and normalize it... say to yourself, oh yes, this is that anxious feeling... and name where you are feeling it in your body and what it feels like... burning, twisting, etc... and tell yourself that this is the body's normal response to this type of stress and that it will pass... it will be like a wave that will come up on you, crest and go through you..passing out and away... tell yourself not to fight it, just let it pass through you, allow yourself to float (like you would when going out through the waves past the break into the ocean)
when i felt really bad, i would imagine myself floating with jesus' hand under the small of my back supporting me... if you are not religious, use whatever image works for you...
another method is to imagine yourself and your mind as residing at the bottom of the ocean where it is calm, create an image of it that you can see and feel... all your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, memories are the waves that are passing over you far above on the surface... you can observe them above you... but you can also return your mind to the safety of the bottom of the ocean when you wish...
2) focus your attention on this moment (anxiety tends to be focused on the future).. the color of the room, the sounds, the feel of your feet on the floor, use all your senses and realize that you are okay in this moment.. developing a daily meditation or mindfulness practice can really help here.
2) develop some mantras for when your mind starts to spin.. to shift your thoughts and repeat them..."In this moment, I am ok" "I am strong enough, I will get through this and I will become an even stronger PON" One I used a lot was: "This is good, this is right where I need to be. I need this time to work on myself and managing my anxiety"...the key is to find what works for you.. SD would say "Isn't it interesting that my W thinks that?" as a way to distance and set an emotional boundary... At times when I would think of my W's new life I would say over and over to counter the thoughts, "If I love her, I let her go." Even telling yourself that your W's journey to find herself is going to be a long one, may help you let go of some of the anxiety and expectations about where things are right now..
3) i read tons..the best for me were by pema chodron, jack kornfield, tara brach, bible verses... tara brach also has free talks and meditations on her website (google her)... i would listen to them getting ready in the morning and in my car and they would counter the anxiety in profound ways... i got to where i feel a sense of relief and calm when i hear tara's voice... she is a buddhist psychologist and her talks are not religious, just about how we use the mind...
4) i made a document full of quotes (from fellow DBers, those authors above, the bible, joseph campbell, etc) and kept some up on post its in my room on mirrors or in my wallet... i read them constantly for awhile...
5) practicing self compassion and self care... not beating yourself up about the past (that can trap us in shame... look up and study brene brown on shame)... exercise, eating healthy, etc..
6) GAL: The brain also loves novel experiences... find some new places to visit, new things to see and be interested in, PON.. i found some meditation groups and activities...
7) and spend time with people who love you. I know that I spent hours online getting to know and getting support from some of the fine people on this board who helped me through the toughest phases of the journey...
i hope you will consider IC... the feelings need to come out (what you feel, you can heal is a favorite quote) but you need a safe path and a good IC can help you stay safe on the journey... i agree with many on this board that a MC can do very little to stop the tide of a WAS/MLCer... but a good IC has an arsenal of very well researched and effective tools to help with anxiety and to help you manage the difficult feelings underneath it.
take care of yourself PON and please access help when you need it to get through. (((((((((((((((((((((PON)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
