Two years in limbo, it's a fine place

[adinva]

Feeling down. I get jealous of the people here who have their kids for a weekend and have one fun meaningful activity after another bonding with their kids and being great parents. I don't like that I'm jealous, but I am this week. My 15yo won't talk to me, I can't sleep at night because he's either sneaking out or sneaking someone in after I'm asleep, I'm finding evidence of pot and beer, and his grades came and they're not up to his ability. He won't do the things I ask him to do. I've joined Families Anonymous to get some support from people who won't tell me they don't understand because their Eagle Scout straight A mission-trip-going son would never do something like this. I'm so tired and discouraged.

My 13yo is still willing to spend time with me if it doesn't interfere with his xbox or youtube, which I am also up at 1, 3, 5am getting him to go back to bed from. Yes, I know I need to figure out how to shut off internet in my house during the night. I also need to install a security system.

I have begun talking with S15 about where else he might go to live if he can't live with my rules. Well, talking at him because he doesn't really communicate back.

So, I tried to get them out of town to the beach but it didn't work out because of the weather and lacrosse practice and a few other details. I took S13 out to see Man of Steel last night, which was fun - he is smart and funny...but he got frustrated that I was getting texts through the movie from S15 who wanted to know if he and his friends could be at the house, and when would I bring dinner they're starving, and etc. S13 took my phone and wrote to S15 "we are watching a movie and I'm turning mom's phone off."

I just hear so much wall to wall good cheer and fun times from other parents and I feel like I've won the lottery if I get to sleep most of one night and don't smell pot one day.

For the record, I know I need to detach and take care of myself. I rode my bike to work for the exercise, swam a mile a couple of times last week, read a book for fun for my new book club. I'm doing OK. I just would really like to have fun with my kids too, and they're not cooperating with me on that.