Let my love open the door...

[RosaLinda]

Oh TVS, sorry you're going thru such a hard time with your H. I bet it is the stress YOU are feeling from him impending vacation. But don't worry, Fat Frumpy Cabbage Patch Twat HAS been showing her evil side (which you know well) and this beach trip will reveal FFCPT in all her full glory. She didn't have a lick of empathy for her own H thru cancer and surgery, what makes your H think she'll tolerate what he calls "itchy disgusting miserable bumps" for one second? The fact that he was so grateful for the "human touch" when you massaged his scalp says it all. Either he does not see FFCPT as human (well it COULD be that ) but more likely she is not meeting his needs for caring and loving touch. I think "stepping up the other stuff - eye contact, physical touches, conversation, non- sexual flirting" is a great move on your part at this time. You can always pull back if you feel the need to.

I agree with uR about the hole in your heart not always feeling like that. In your case, I have every confidence that you and your H are going to reconcile and have a stronger M than ever. I believe it for you, and don't think you are at all unrealistic or blind for believing it for yourself. But if for some off the wall reason you do not, I think the hole will fill in some, and that raw pain will stop. I don't know if you've ever lost a parent, but my mom died about 30 years ago. I'm older now than she ever was! The pain was so bad at first, but after a year it eased off, then in time I got to the point where I could remember our good times, to be happy for her love and guidance in the time I had her. I still think of her almost every day, and wish I could talk to her about my sitch now, but the painful crater has been filled in. Hopefully it is like that for people whose spouses never come out of frigging MLC, and who stay in crazy land forever. I hope you (and I) never have to find out first hand.

Stay hopeful, my friend. You are strong and wonderful, and I love you a LOT!