My Five Year Update! Yep! It's Been That Long!

[mkultra]

It was my New Year's Resolution to dat in 2012. I had a lot of fun and finally started saying "yes" to men who have always had things for me. because of my work and being single I do get asked out a lot and I also get set up a lot. But, I never really dated. I didn't date either of my exes. Those relationships were that friendship on fire cliches. I guess I keep waiting for that. No more.

My obsessive fantasy is what I will do if my ex-unboyfriend comes back. I am trying everything in my power not to snoop.

The not dating thing is really stuck in my head. We were like really close friends who overcame some obstacles and fell in love. We never really dated. Because of the friendship, I never admitted the crush. I never said I like you, I love you, I think you are hot.

I heard this new girl said these things when she met him at a party. he was flattered. So, I know how this goes. it is not who she is but how she makes him feel.

I know we had this great chemistry, but we had a rocky start. i can't get over the being supplanted part.

It feels different than when my ex-husband and I split up. The weird thing was back then I had hope. Somehow, I convinced myself I would be better off and that I would fall in love again. That feeling of carrying on and having hope was always in me as I DBed.

Now, I feel hopeless. Maybe because I fell in love when I did not expect it. I am still in love. And I have kept it a secret for years even though we have been together.

The sad thought I cling to is that he can take her to a baseball game and drive. I always drove because he knew he wanted to drink. So she is seeing a sober well behaved man. He can also take her out in public. I kept us a secret passed midnight. Sigh. It was like an affair. I wasn't ashamed of him, well...I just needed privacy. I am looking back at my mistakes wonderinghow I lost my second chance at love.

It is heartbreaking because I severely doubt anyone gets three chances!