PON, Each MLCer's crisis is different, and yet they have similar traits, lingo, etc. Your w felt pressure about the vacation and she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea about reconciling right now.
As for stating that you are separated again, it sounds like she's making these statements to make you back off. Many mlcers will threaten separation and/or divorce to get the spouse to leave them alone. It's very typical.
I like the excuse she used for staying married. She really has no real reason for divorcing you, but in her mind, she's trying to do the right thing because she thinks you won't be able to handle a divorce.
My advice is to back off, give her plenty, and I mean, plenty of space and go on w/your plans w/your children. If she opts to join in, fine, if not, that is fine too. It's her loss if she doesn't participate. The more you push and she can really sense that you're not letting go, the more she's going to pull away.
Let go, Let God. I agree w/your sponsor, i.e., leave it in God's hands and keep the focus on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
