Re-newcomer

[brobafet]

AnotherStander, Thank you for replying

I'm a little confused about your post, because you imply that you are somehow at fault but then you describe a woman who is very, very troubled. If what you are describing is accurate, you are in a really toxic relationship. Possibly even dangerous.

Yes, I understand that but how do I not take some of the blame when things didn't get better?

It sounds like she still has an anger problem, what about the drug problem, is that still there?

She drinks wine.... but says she only has a few and that she is fine. It however bothers the hell out of me and has been going on for the past year. I don't know I think she is getting back to pill popping

You do realize this is completely unacceptable and actually criminal behavior? You're a battered husband. It sounds like you may be blaming yourself for her behavior, is that the case?

Yes I do realize it. Yes I understand that I could have and probably should have just called the cops but I thought that I could handle it myself and I did. I told her that if she was to hit me again we were done. It hasn't happened since. However she has hit other people.

Then she got into a fight with one of my friends wives. It was violent and my kids were there. The only thing I thought of doing was getting my kids to the car and safe.

Good for you, that was absolutely the right thing to do.

Thank you, apparently I'm the only one to think like this

As what, an example of how she thinks you should have gotten violent and didn't, and therefore you were in the wrong? Because if that's what she thinks then SHE is wrong.

Yes, she feels as though I didn't stand up for her that I didn't "have her back" and that I should have effed the guy up.

Those aren't failings. You should worry about money, because she clearly doesn't. SOMEONE needs to be responsible. And not kicking people's asses, obviously that's not a failing. And based on your description, not trusting her isn't a failing, it's prudent, because she's not to be trusted.

Thank you, she still likes to bring up how I worry about it. How I "didn't" have her back.

I think she's the one that needs help, but it sounds like she's in denial about it and maybe you are too. I really think you need to seek out IC, if what you've portrayed here is accurate then your W needs serious help and you need help in seeing her for what she is so that you can act accordingly to protect you and your children. Are you comfortable that your children are safe spending every other week with your W? Does her violent nature come out when dealing with the children? Is she still doing drugs even "recreationally"? What kind of people is she hanging out with?

Right now I don't know who she is hanging out with other than her sisters. Before when this happened she was hanging out with some low people who only wanted to party.

She isn't doing drugs recreationally she is doing the to numb the pain she has in her back (sorry I should have stated this) she borrows the pills from her family members. I don't know how to feel about my kids being there with her. She dropped the divorce this weekend and also said that I would have a hard time proving that she is an unfit mother. I don't know what the hell to do. I think maybe letting go could be the right thing but I don't want my children to be without me.

I will do individual counseling and I can bring up a laundry list of things about her that can prove her to be unfit but I don't want to fight like that. Am I delusional?