Being patient.

[Mtnman]

Interesting day yesterday. After church we all, w included, went to my brothers to swim. That's two weeks in a row for her. More talk of putting in a pool, Disney next spring, and another trip this summer as a family. It hurts. Talk is cheap.

I caught w taking my picture on the diving board. Not sure what that's about. Though I suspect its to show her friends. I believe she's seeing if they think I'm attractive. I get the feeling she wants to be validated in her attraction to me, if there is any.

I was distant yesterday evening, and she even commented that I was acting weird. Before she left she hollered as I walked through the house to try to startle me. I didn't flinch. (I've got two wild boys that live here). She was disappointed that I didn't. Then after she left, I got texts from her about a couple she follows on fbook. Idle chit chat, but it could've waited. I was slow in responding and not very chatty. Since that didnt work, she started playing me in games. Again, I was slow to respond.

I'm not in the mood to play right now. Any of her games. I'm tired of acting. I don't know whether to be her best friend or pull back. I'm ready to move forward with my life and feel like I can't. I want the pool! I want Disney with her next spring! I want too be excited about it, but I can't be.

I know i havent been on here much lately. I felt i needed to pull back some. Just not sure what to do. I miss female companionship. I miss her!