Living apart 6 weeks in

[Rockwallaby]

Well I have had a fantastic weekend, on Friday I had a friend visit unexpectedly and we ML, very good to get close to someone and share some affection. A great boost to my ego and feeling that I am attactive.

WAS constantly talked down about my physical shape, body hair etc. I had to go an see WAS to drop some of the kids stuff around for next week. She had emailed me earlier about school holiday care and I had pushed back on some points, as in the past WAS had provided only enough ionformation to me to support the outcome she wanted in terms of the holiday care. I calmly stated my point and set the boundary clearly in terms of what I expected. WAs tried to draw an argument by turning it into an accusation that I had said she was not doing her share, I validated by saying I understood why she thought that and restated my point.

When I was about to leave she asked how I was, I said I was great and really happy. She said she wants this to be over and she finds dealing with the legal agreements on financial and the children very stresful. I said that this (separation) was what she wanted and she replied that she did not see why she should be punished for her actions. I told her I was not punishing her, that this was not what I wanted, she replied that I had everything I wanted, the nice house, the children 50 % of the time and that I earned more than her and was not having to pay maintenance. I said it is not what I wanted, I do not want to have to buy the house, this was a result of her choice to want to stay on the island rather than return to our home countries. I explained that what was happening was the result of her choice and that what I wanted was my family, to have my children with their mum and dad every day. She said the children have a family and two parents who love them but that those parents needed to be happy. She was crying. I told her I wanted her to be happy and that our happiness is our individual responsibility.

This morning she has written pushing that the agreements be signed this week. I have told her I am too busy this week, that I need the final versions and I will consider these when I have time to review. I am feeling stronger when she tries to control the timing and outcome to state my boundaries.

I feel completely unhooked from her emotional roller coaster.

She has not mentioned OM and has not moved in with him. I don't know whether the EA and PA continues. She is feeling under pressure financially and probably scared about the future. Yesterday she said she had taken responsibility for organising child care and I said I had offered and she had said she would do it. She said yes but you did not take responsibility, or ask about the carer, I listened to her, I said I understood her point and that it would be helpful for me if she could communicate her thought on this.

WAS has said in the past is that she did not feel listened to, that she felt taken for granted. I know WAS often say this and use it as excuse for EA or PA, which she has done. I need to be detached but formulate a 180 that demonstrates I do listen, care etc and remain detached while doing this. WAS has a emotional shield which she uses as protetion, she sees any considerate or caring action as a weakness to be taken advantage of, I am working on developing boundaries and am aware of this shield and her tendencies to attack. So I need to work on being a listener and showing her compassion and knowing if there is an attack it will not impact my PMA.

I am feeling so much better within.

I think she likes my new puppy. I continue to GAL and focus on work and cycling.