WP, I, too, have watched them multiple times along with a few other shorter ones that focused on shame. I knew my H was troubled before, but after learning more about shame I see him so clearly. I also understand more about the numbing affect of addiction. Both good and bad feelings are numbed. You can't be selective. Looking at MLCers and their addictions including OP it seems they experience highs, but that's not happiness. It also makes sense to me that because they are numb they no longer remember or feel the good things about the LBS, the marriage and sometimes their children. There are many of us here who have been exasperated by that, but it makes sense to me now, if I am applying the information correctly.
In my situation, the shame on my H's part and his subsequent addiction is at the crux of his crisis. Because I was such a pleaser and an enabler I kept our M together through my own lack of purpose and self worth. Yes, there were many good things about our M, mainly the boys, but this crisis was always brewing.
If my H were to do the hard work to figure himself out and we chose each other again I absolutely believe we would have a different, fulfilling and rewarding M. More than anything I would like to experience that and give that gift to the boys. However, that possibility is many years away, if ever, and I need to live my life now. I have already given away too many years by living unconsciously and holding out for someone who is harmful to me. I now have to find a way to keep me and the boys from being further hurt by my H who is at the opposite end of the healing spectrum.
