Are you sleeping? Are you eating? Are you reading others' posts and your DR book?
Quote:
I have tried to gal and I just can't move on.
You haven't been at this for very long at all. GAL is not a magic or quick fix. What "have you tried"?
You are still at the stage of panic. Its really hard to GAL when you're hiding under your bed hoping its all a bad dream and will be back to normal when you wake up. And this panic doesn't make you "bad" or less than anyone else. I do believe most on this board went through some ugly/crazy days. I personally can remember having a full blown tantrum on my closet floor, kicking, yelling, throwing things, the whole deal. And if that is where you "are" right now then you probably aren't ready to GAL because you haven't finished the purely emotional, visceral, reaction to what's been thrown at you.
Lets back up a bit and try again, ok?
First, have you and H had any more R talks? If you haven't, thats good. Remember to NOT initiate any.
Second, find some distance. Distance should turn into "detach" but right now settle for distance. Pretend your H is gone on a trip of some sort. In his place is a look alike you'd rather not spend time with - so don't.
Third focus on your kids. Tell them Daddy is trying to work some things out for himself and you and they can help by giving him some space and time.
Fourth breathe. Calm. Center. Breathe. Your panic wants things fixed RIGHT NOW! And that just isn't going to happen. What is going to happen is that the sun will keep coming up, the kids will get hungry, laundry will need to be done etc. Focus right now on these normal every day things. Try to keep things steady and on a schedule of sorts. That will help you and your kids.
Fifth, This tells me that he doesn't care about our boys its bad enough that he left me for OW but now its like he left them too. I can see the hurt and confused they are cause he is not around like he use to be.
What this really "tells" is that your H isn't thinking "clearly" or "sanely". It will help you, A LOT, if you STOP expecting him to behave rationally. Your H is "all over the place" in his thinking right now, he'll say one thing and do another. Just let him go. Step back.
Take care of YOU.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
