I don't think she'll try to make me feel guilty about the 4th. Rather, I suspect she will hold onto it as proof that everything has to be my way and that I have not changed in that regard.
I don't know of you saw my blurb on my other thread (sorry for multiples) but similar to last summer I'm getting the "having him 24/7 in the summer is hard and I need your help" message. Sad thing is, I WANT to help. I STILL have this drive to help her, make her life easier - and I have to make a conscience decision to shut off my heart and stick to my guns. I wanted to believe that "being there" for her helps our relationship but it doesn't. It's cake eating.
I struggle to understand how she does not see that the kind of help that she is asking for is the kind of help you get when you are a couple, a partnership, a team. Why is it that she believes she can have all the ease of a two parent home without having to live in one? It just seems so clear that she is missing a partner or the benefits of having one - but not enough to realize we are ALL better off together.
I would never tell her this, but it's hard for me too. When she first left I was often in tears after I put S to bed - wishing to God I had help because I had no idea how to handle a 17 month old. It was awful, and I had to do it without her because of her decision to D.
You are right about the "friends" thing. She's already said in TM "we will be friends forever....." I just don't think I can be there like that right now. If she wants to work on R, that's one thing - but not like this.
