HFS. You are completely correct in what you say. My H is not a talker, not to me anyway. Just the usual day to day stuff, not his deep feelings about anything. That's the way he is. He knows he's an "emotional cripple". He has always been that way. That is the man I married. I doubt he would talk to mates about his feelings. I know he never talked to anyone about our problems. Maybe only this OW who I believe he may have entered into an EA with. That is when I got the ILYBNILWY speech. I think she was feeding a lot of it because she was going through a D herself and my H became her emotional support. Funny how they can provide that to others.
Sometimes I just don't know where to turn with the spending time together stuff. Our situation was supposed to get better with regards to that, with kids finishing private school and moving on with their lives. Unfortunately, our job situations change suddenly and it has put us into some financial stress, where H feels he has to work 6 days a week in a casual job he picked up, just to make ends meet.
Yeah sure, I get hurt that the day he chose to have off each week, is a day I work. He could have chosen another day, but that is the day his golf buddies get together for a game. Hey I won't deny those actions of his hurt me. But I try to look at it differently and accept that as the place we are in now. We are working towards improving our job situation, but it is taking longer than hoped. Therefore, I'm trying to stay supportive and positive.
There's lots of history about how I have spent my marriage alone, due to H's job schedule. I just keep hoping it gets better. He is a good hard working man. He believes he is doing the right thing. That's why I hang around, even though I'm often unsatisfied because my needs are unmet. I know he is doing the best he can do.
You're posts are wonderful, and I take it all on board. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have the benefit of learning and improving myself, H is stuck in a time warp as far as that is concerned. My changes are helping him along, but he does fall down in the validating and empathising department. I'm trying to get through to him, but its slow going. Thanks for posting on my thread.
