KD
I feel like I have used up all my patience and what I had in reserve.

It seems like every time I feel like I'm moving forward another blow happens. Is this the way the process happens?

As far as would moving forward with my life require me to find someone new? I think I am so mixed up and confused right now I just don't know. I have been going out with friends for a while but since we're not divorced I'm just not one to flirt or even show I "could be" interested. I had some one tell me "I know you're not ready to date but if/when that time comes I would like to take you out".

I have not done that in 28 years and I don't know if part of me is scared or what. I think still being married is difficult because that is what I am having a problem with my h. We are still married and even when we called off the d he continued the affair.

The other part of me is wondering if I will ever get to a place where I can trust him again. Even after he admitted to the affair he met up with her a few weeks later. I feel like I continue to catch him in lies. I don't know if they are innocent leaving things out or intentional and right now I feel intentional. I feel like I am always wondering if he is talking/texting her. I know he has to finish his process as everyone says but I just don't know if I have it in me anymore.

M 48 H 50
M 25 T 27
D 20,18,15
6/11 H filed
3/12 H dropped
4/12 H moved out