I've told her that I need more in a marriage than my spouse sitting on the couch watching tv and nothing else. Lately, anyways per Chuck, because my wife's LL is quality time, I've been doing more family type stuff than just my usual GAL stuff, but made sure to welcome her along if she would like to go. Each time I've gotten some comment along the line of "No i'd rather just sit here so you know where I am, this is what you want right, control over me" WHA????? I've gotten serveral new versions of this for the last week, at first I thought is was her depression, but now I know she's trying to make me feel guilty.
I know she's being coached along by a friend that's been trying to break us up. He's a much younger gay guy that wants to continue getting her out of the house.
On to the lies, I've recently found out she's been applying for jobs in her home town, 4-5 hours away. I asked about it and she told me she was just reading the qualifications, but in fact she applied for 4-5 of the jobs.
My brother who doesn't really know the whole story of whats going on, but knows something isn't right googled her name, and she has opened several other social media accts with her maiden name. And, no mention of being married I guess.
She's done some laundry lately, but intentionally leaves my stuff in the hamper, washing only her's and the kids' clothes. I've been dong 50% of the laundry, but I do whats there, if its dirty I wash it.
Last night while I was at IC (around 5), I texted my wife that I could pick up some dinner on the way home. She texted me back that she was gonna cook dinner soon. I said ok, ty. By the time I got home, around 7ish, no dinner was started and she wasn't even home or had come home yet from work.
These are all things that don't follow along the line of depression, these are clear/thought out actions.
Per Chuck, and the tweaked DB strat, im supposed to be more involved, listen, validate, but not push. I haven't brought up the R/M but tried to just ease into the casual stuff. How was your day etc etc, and see where that takes me. Now its just short evasive answers. And ive been ok with that too.
I've been plenty detached lately, since I started DB'n 3-4 weeks ago. I made the mistake of letting myself get sucked in after she made some comments about "us" that I probably took too positive. She missed me, couldn't wait to go to MC, wanted to get herself checked by her DR. as she might be out of whack a little (her words). That's now changed to NO MORE counseling for her, she wants to just sit and be what everyone else wants her to be, not what she wants. I told her go out, with friends, alone, with the kids, no one is telling you to stay here.
Last night I asked her if she had any plans for the weekend, did she have to work? I get the "im just gonna sit home and stay where u can see me guilt trip again", which I really don't understand as I've been telling her for years to go out with friends, I like it when u get home and we tend to miss each other more. So im really confused with this new form of responses. Anyways I figured ok, the more engaging stuff isn't working, chuck said change what seems to be not working. So im gonna try a little limited contact now, short but responsive. I will also just get back to my GAL stuff.
