7 months pregnant ... Facing separation

[lost_hope]

Hello DB community. After trying to employ some of the techniques I've found on here (unsuccessfully I admit) I am finally joining. My situation very briefly, I am 7 moms pregnant with our first child. We have been together for 8 years, married for 6.5. I moved out of the US to Canada to be with him. We've had out share of ups and downs but our arguments are typically always the same --- he is inattentive, cold, and harsh; I am emotional, somewhat needy, and hot. It's funny bc the thing that made me fall for him was his overly hot pursuit of me when we first met (I was dating someone else).

The last two years have been the worst for us. I discovered an EA he was having with his ex (their friendship being a source of our issues apparently rightfully so). They had this EA at a time when we were unofficially separated (I moved into our condo when I became available for possession, he chose to stay at his moms where we lived while the condo was being built). Don't want to harp on that too much but suffice it to say I have intense trust issues that contribute to my clinginess. He is done with her and I have no reason to believe she is the current source of his issues.

Anyway, we got pregnant when he came back to me after a few months and lost that baby. That was difficult for both of us and we almost cracked again under that strain. Now I am pregnant again and for the past two months he has been pulling away. He finally admitted he was scared of losing some independence with the baby and wanted to spend time with his friends before the birth. But he also said some pretty nasty things when prodded ( revolving around all of the thing he dislikes about me). I had to force this conversation by the way because he wouldn't talk to me, stopped being intimate in any way and spent all of his free time at work and with friends. Well he said he's not happy and that he doesn't see a future for us. He said even if we work it out it would just be temporary and eventually we will break up but it will be harder for our son. Although sometimes he tells me just to give him time and wait it out until the baby arrives, then he'll spend more time at home?? I actually don't know what it is he wants.

I have thought if walking away but I'm also in a difficult position. I am pregnant and despite everything I want our family to work. I've done some things but hard to employ DB techniques when you're attending parental classes and shopping for baby furniture. To make matters worse after months of no hits on our condo we finally got an offer. We are accepting it. I kicked him out last week (because I couldnt take the coldness and lack of attention anymore, it was affecting my mental health and my pregnancy). Despite that we are still looking at houses to buy.


I'm confused and don't know what to do. He clearly doesn't like me hot so I've tried to cool off my pursuit. I've employed some 180 and some going dark but can't sustain the darkness bc of my condition. He also doesnt like it and thinks its disrespectful. He mostly says he doesn't want to work on things and we generally argue, but then he does things like come over to sleep with me last night unannounced for no reason (we don't have sex anymore bc of some issues in pregnancy). I want to work things out but I also don't want to be a doormat and I don't want to save something if he is truly unhappy. I know going dark bugs him and then he pursues (but doesn't really change) as does some of the 180.

I'm at a crossroads. Do I just take him at his word and move on (180 style to show him I am "ok" with his decision)? That would mean I would find an apartment for me and my son to live in. Or do I buy a house with him, employ some DB techniques and hope for the best? This is all so much to bear being as pregnant as I am. We have until end of Aug to vacate this place and find an alternate living arrangement, though baby is due a bit earlier in August.