"Personally, I think she likes it just the way it is! He has no say over her, there is no commitment to follow, and it’s easy, he’s basically my problem, while at her beckon call, and she owes him nothing! Funny thing is this doesn’t change anything! I don’t feel special or chosen or even as if we are on a path of healing. I was willing to letting him go be free to give someone else the BS. Let him visit me…walk away to see our home life from the other side."
Ha, you would be the OW for a change, and neither of them like that thought! It never occurred to me to look at it from the OW's point of view. My H's OW is different, she is a Russian and desperately wants my H to divorce me and marry her so she can get a green card. But I can see how you are probably right about your H's OW's motivations. As long as she can support herself and does not want to marry her, she is having the best of both worlds. You do his dirty laundry, she gets taken out to dinner. That sux big time!
"I did go as far as, during that talk about leaving, to say what about a D. He was furious, saying there I go bringing up societies BS rules on how our M should be. How do you D, a piece of paper would change nothing, we are family, EA is not family, I don’t work my a$$ off for her!!! Not only does this not change anything, I don’t put any stock into it either. He’s nothing more that a junkie to me. (w/o the actual drugs) I don’t see how I really have any boundaries in place! I’m just walking that thin line."
I think (not an expert by any means) that this is just more confused MLC crap talk Dawn. Yes, these are society's rules. Married people do not have affairs. Married people who want to have an affair get divorced first. Cadet was just telling me my H is "cake eating" and I think your H is too. Most of our H's probably are, right? It's hard but don't pay any attention to him, just keep doing as you have been, trying to detach as best you can, be your sweet self. He has to wake up out his MLC madness on his own. As Snodderly would say, you didn't break him, you cannot fix him. Hopefully soon you WILL feel chosen and special and like you and your H are on a path of healing. In the meanwhile, hang in there! You're doing great!
