I hear you loud and clear, 25. And even though it is difficult I intend to hold my ground on more matters. As history would have it, this ends up in her getting angry and/or proclaiming that "everything has to be my way". It hurts on so many levels to deal with that. Specifically, I don't like letting her down in general - but especially when it promotes her getting angry and moving further away because I am a "jerk". She'll probably say my changes aren't real or something.
Do you think she knows this?
My 3 year old daughter talks to/treats my XW totally different than she treats me or her teacher. People learn pretty quickly what they can and can't get away with from whom.
Originally Posted By: Crimson
I don't know if she can or knows HOW to swim, 25. No one ever taught her.
Crimson
It doesn't sound like she wants you to teach her.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Crimson, I said this on my thread about my sitch: As I observe this, what comes to mind is the more people are left to be themselves, the more themselves they become.
Perspective gained from distance has shown me that. For a long time I, too, was afraid that if I didn't keep poking H in some way he would completely distance.
That's not a R that's a hope, a wish.
Let her be who she is, get some distance and perspective and see how this goes.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thank you, bug. I struggle so much when I wake up to not reach out. Probably because that's when I feel my loneliest. I was just fighting the urge to text her - and losing that fight when I read what you just wrote. Divine timing. I deleted the text before I sent it. I am really praying for guidance and strength to hold my line and remain withdrawn. It is hard for me, very hard.
It's hard for all of us. I don't think anyone here will say they breezed through it (well, maybe) and never felt any pain or discomfort. Learning that you don't have to act on every feeling you have is key. Learning to sit with your uncomfortable emotions and not be controlled by them is key.
You have a little guy who is in the prime years of learning trust, you have an obligation as a father to put the brakes on you and figure this out before he's again tossed around by all this. I know you love him dearly but a lot of this is about you and your fear of being uncomfortable.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Catching up on this and wow, a lot to learn with all of the great advice.
On a different note, how old is your child? I believe 3? I am not sure how often you see him but why don't you set up a schedule to facetime/skype/oovoo him on the days you aren't together. With today's technology, you do not need to go days without hearing your son's voice. Even if he only gets on for a minute or two before moving on, it is something. Just a thought!
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
So I broke down and asked about S. I have been away from him since Tuesday. And before that he was in Iowa with her. Said I missed him. I got this back:
"I would've let you take him. You don't hear me when I tell you taking care of him 24/7 in the summer is very hard. I could really use some help but I'm not going to try to convince you."
I got this ^^^^^ last summer too. A few times. And she's right. It is tough. But I'm not rushing to fill the gaps anymore. While she was here, we traded off when the other one worn thin and needed a break. It worked. She said as much. Why go back to this? No more R benefits without R. This was her choice.
