Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm going insane. I'd love some feedback.
My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 11 years, we have 3 kids. I thought everything was going fine...
I think he's having a mid-life crisis. New clothes, longer hair, concern about his appearance, sports car...and now this.
In January there was one day where he said we have grown apart and have nothing in common and need counseling. The next day he woke up and said never mind, we're fine. I believed him because I honestly thought we were fine all along, canceled the therapy appointment.
March comes along and Easter weekend he says it all again. Only this time it's pretty obvious he's not getting over it. I make a counseling appointment and we go twice. He says he hasn't been happy for a year and doesn't think he wants to be married anymore...but he doesn't know why. Counselor suggests we stop couple's counseling since he doesn't even know if he wants to be married (ugh!).
He moves out April 23. Somewhere in here he asks to come home, says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, he's never been more sure of anything in his life. 5 days later he says he wants a divorce because he's not feeling it. Files for a divorce May 29.
It's all very sudden and abrupt and totally out of left field for me. And I still feel like he's really confused.
So, here we are. Since the day he filed he has started making comments here and there about working this out...but won't commit to actually doing anything and still says he doesn't know what the problem is and he just feels like he doesn't want to be married. He is in individual counseling so there's that.
He calls almost daily, still says he loves me, he's attracted to me, he really hopes I don't find somebody else and move on before he figures this out, he's in no hurry to push this divorce along, he appreciates my patience, etc... But he still says he doesn't want to be married and doesn't know why. WHAT THE?
I am totally getting a life. I've started going to 2 different support groups, running with neighbors, hanging out with friends again, going to church, had a spray tan, laser hair removal...all sorts of new stuff.
I'm trying to disconnect...not initiate contact, I never call. I do still email or text...I'm trying not to though. But he calls almost every day and I answer. It doesn't feel right not to, and quite frankly he gets grumpy if I don't. I don't want to play games. And he's the one initiating the relationship talks almost every time he calls...he wants to know what I'm thinking, if I'm getting fed up and moving on, etc... Sometimes I wonder if he wants me to get fed up and move on to save him the guilt of making the decision. I don't know. Ideas?
