"He told me one time if a lady rejected him he would feel like that was their decision & he would not reconsider & go back."
Don't let this fear of yours hang over your head. It is HIS decision to stay away as a father.
"I do apologize & tell him that I take full responsibility for my A & that feelings of anger are normal for a betrayed spouse (tho not maintained anger)"
Maintained anger is perfectly normal. That's what YOU have to understand. The only way to deal with it is to get C and deal with the issues rather than rug sweep. You did it because you felt like you were missing an emotional connection with him and needed someone to fill that void.
"but then I also have the tendency to want him to understand my pain too."
That's natural also. But right now he doesn't care about that and just sees your wanting him to understand as just being selfish.
"Actually the other night I mentioned about getting over his previous affairs & he looked me in the eyes & said "I did Not have an affair"
This never works. M is not a scoreboard. But one person can change the dynamic.
"I guess he thinks its fine as long as you don't have sex."
You don't know what he thinks so don't bother trying. When he starts acting disrespectful to you, you need to stand up to you. Especially if he's neglecting your kids.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
