Its tough; getting tougher

[amy1982]

I want to give the following to H. Let me know what you think

"It is very important to me that you do not feel like you have to keep my "dirty little secret" With your permission, I will make a public confession on sunday
Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with guilt and I can't forgive myself. I can't stand to see the pain you're in & the heartache you feel. I don't know how I can ease it.
You mentioned how we get to go on our merry way & you suffer- I can understand your feeling.But it has been the most painful thing in the world to see you suffer & see what it has done to our relationship. Man, if I could do things over again, I would NEVER hurt you like that.
I, too , grieve the loss of me being exclusively yours. this whole thing is very bitter to me.

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I would like give this to him maybe later this eve. One complaint he has is that he feels like it always comes back to "its all his fault" (he has always said that if I bring something up...even yrs ago. I don't know if I say the wrong things or if that's his way of getting me to take full responsibility.
I get the impression that because I act happy, he thinks I don't care:(