constant reminders - triggers

[abbey1989]

Oh gosh...I guess my case isn't so unusual. Honestly when I think back over the course of our R, even when he asked for my hand in marriage back when I was only 24, he never happened to mention that he had been married BEFORE!! I remember being so excited the day after H gave me the engagement ring and proposed, and I said "I'm soooo excited! I've never been engaged before!...have you?" And not until that moment.....we had been dating for 10 months...did he tell me that he had been married before, and that he was only 19 at the time and he was too young. Hmmmmm when was he going to tell me? I think he has a "habit" of lying by omission.

So...I got access again to his secret bank account today. Printed everything out and the most notable thing that I notice on the surface (although the whole stack of paper is sitting on my desk and I have yet to read it) is a rent check for either $700 or $800 per month going out to someone that I've never heard of. It looks like maybe in September he put a deposit + rent because the amount was more like $1500.

During most of the period since H opened the account in Sept 2012, ....we were having TOTAL money issues (not like we fight over it or anything, but scaling way back on everything, living off of 401k, etc...never in jeopardy of losing home or anything). I wonder if this is rent for the injured person in the Workers Comp case (that I'm not supposed to know about) ...because the guy can't work....or if maybe he is splitting rent with OW somewhere until her new house is finished...Or?? But during this period, H was telling me to "Cancel your AT&T on your Ipod...we'll save $25/mo. Cancel our home phone since we have cell phones...this will save $35/mo. yada yada yada Wow!

So we are supposed to meet friends out tonight. H is supposed to meet me there. I've been trying to stay calm and be a kind person to myself mostly. It is beyond me how someone can do this. Obviously something to hide. I think I'm beyond the jealousy stage by now....numb is more like it.

So yesterday, we were talking about being relieved that he has some seriously good income now, we are able to pay things off, and I asked him point blank, stared him in the eyes, So....you have no other ongoing monthly payments? And he flat out lied. Of course.