I feel for you. This can just seriously blow doing all the heavy lifting without the rewards. You get to grow personally and that is absolutely fantastic, different perspectives, reality checks, etc. But when the heavy lifting doesn't produce results that YOU have created in your head it goes all to pieces.
I get turned topsey-turvey all day long and while I am sooooo grateful my W has discussed us again it makes my own boundaries so blurred I don't know which way is up sometimes. Only thing I'm having to learn is to quickly change what is not working. She'll react negatively and think "maybe this is a sign we're not supposed to be together". She'll sit on those emotions for days even when we've had good conversation / fun together.
Think about Sandi's rule on changing away from things that don't work. You mention your current approach is not working. Can you identify WHAT specifically you are doing that is not working? If you can, tweak it or overhaul it.
I wish you well.
Trying
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
