Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

Think about , very specifically, what you want boundaries on.

List them out and read them (aloud) to yourself. Sometimes reading them aloud will give you a new perspective on them. If they sound funny ? Then find out why they do, cause they might not be a boundary that you need to relay to her....

Make sure, 100%, that you boundaries are NOT for you to "punish" her in any way...

Watch how you deliver them to her. Make sure that you word them without coming across as controlling to her....

Closely examine the words "you", and "I" . Anytime one uses those words, there is a strong chance of using guilt, or blame.

"Always" and "Never" are words that make us Hypocrites....try to stay away from them as well.

Make sure that YOU feel good about saying them, and they are only to protect your emotional being, or physical in some cases.

Make sure that you are willing to die on that hill. I.E. = it is worth it to even state them.

Do NOT overstate them. Say what you want ONCE, and rest on that. Don't explain yourself, you have your reasons, just like she has hers.

Then you need to back away, and live with those boundaries, and let her live with them. They will cause her to spin a little, but that isn't your problem now.

Use tact, not anger. Tact was described to me as telling someone to go to hell, and they look forward to the trip.

Be the man that you want to be, regardless what happens. You are setting a boundary, not to induce a reaction, but regardless the reaction.

Thank you.

A general thought, if I may....

Wife...

I have decided that I need time to deal with what my life is today, and for the future. And I have found that I cannot do that with so much over my head. Therefore, unless there are issues concerning the children, I will not contact you, and I ask that you do the same for me.

Simple. Succinct. Honest. Direct.

I like it. I hate it.

Did you intentionally leave it open ended, from a time perspective?

-PM