It's been a tough week. I've had my adviser riding my ass since my labmate claimed I didn't know wtf I was doing. I also got food poisoning so was out for the day. I did learn something valuable during this time though... A very interesting enlightenment.
When my adviser started yelling at me, and my labmate betrayed me I wanted to quit. I realized growing up that my mom was the exact same way. There was always somebody out to get her, and it might have been true. I was reading this self-help book on the Doormat syndrome. And I, am a walking doormat. I feel guilty when I say no to people, and can never stand up to myself. I realized a lot of my aggression went towards my H, because I could never truly express what I wanted to those who were really hurting me. As I started to read this book, I realize I have a huge problem with assertiveness. I actually had a good convo about it with H, and decided that I needed to tell my adviser wtf was up. He's only been paying me 4hours a day to work in the lab, but I spend 8-10 hours there a day because I want to do good work. This girl ratting me out spends maximum 4 hours that she gets paid for. Yesterday, when I told her to inform him I was out because of food poisoning, and she failed to do so and he left me this nasty e-mail, I realize she felt she could do so because I wouldn't stand up to her. Well, I wrote a nice stern but polite e-mail to my advisor (he's still my boss so I can't go overboard) telling him BS I do my job. I am hoping I can keep this up and confront that girl. I've helped her out so many times, and upon reading this book I realize she may not even think what she's doing is wrong. She may think she needs to control my work load because I am defenseless and seem unknowing. I don't need anyone to control my work but me. When it comes down to it I have to worry about my own money, and assets. I hope I can adapt this attitude and keep up with it. I am tired of being a doormat for everyone.
