Been a while since I've been on the board, as I've been back on the roller coaster for the last month. I was hoping things would solidify one way or the other before I posted again, and I guess we're pretty close at this point.
There's been a lot of back and forth over the last couple of months. W says she wants to try, I give her a chance, she continues to talk to OM, I distance myself, she runs to OM, then eventually comes back to me. Rinse and repeat.
Our latest incident was Father's day. I was distant for the week or two prior, but we went to church together. Message hit home for W...she hugged me and said some nice things about me being a good father. I took kids to Grandpa's, had a great time, came home and shortly thereafter, we're entangled again. This continues thru Monday, after which point I say "I want this, but I can't do it with OM still in the picture." She basically said she's "in the process of distancing herself from him" to which I said, "not good enough." Also, during the discussion, she indicated she slept with OM last week because she was sad....that one stung.
I signed the divorce papers last week and asked her to sign this week. She told me this morning that she was signing today, so I guess we're pretty close to a new chapter.
We took an offer on our house earlier in the week and only have 3 weeks to get out and relocate, so while difficult on one side, it's nice that we won't have long to wait for separation. We're taking a sizable loss, so that's gonna hurt in the short term.
I have been pretty angry the last few days, and haven't been very nice to W. I'm not proud of it, as I think I slipped from "honor, grace and dignity" a bit. I think I've been truthful with her, but at the same time, I know some of the things I've said have hurt her.
So moving forward...I'm trying to find a new place, packing my stuff up, and looking forward to rebuilding my life emotionally and financially. I'm currently trying to work thru the anger, and I think I'll be ok in a couple of days. Part of it is because I'm hurt, and I think part of it is because I'm mourning the M....trying to move thru this phase as quickly as possible.
I've still got hope that reconciliation may happen one day, but I have come to realize that W has to want it...probably more than I do. So until then, I've got to focus on me.
