Because I can come across the other way on this forum. Reading back. Or like my wife convinced me I'm that broke. Truth of matter I've never truly continued my work after ee
Yesterday I came home to no kids at the house. Gave me an eerie feeling of when W started holding kids from me awhile back. I talked my self down. Went and cut the grass. She eventually txt me and told me where she was. I ended up making dinner and we actually ate outside as a family. Prime example of not letting my anxiety consume me.
Played with kids and my d(4) took her training wheels off the bike. Very cool moment.
We ended up watching the hockey game in the same room until O/T. I went upstairs but took the time to tell her that I would be getting up unusually early tomorrow to meet with a guy from my group. Only time he could do it is 6 am. Not a big fan but have to do work. She just said ok or maybe nothing if I remember.
This morning met with sponsor. It went very well. He shared his story and so many things connected with me from his story. He was very honest. No guarantees. He truly felt if I continued to do my work and worked the program with him the way he knows it works I will start to recover. He warned me as I get better that my W might get upset. Basically said strap on the seat belt. Nothing I'm not use to.. I really enjoyed the 1:1 time with him and we have a unique bond. He felt it too and felt that he could work with me. He set a boundary with me. He said no texting. I told him that was my anxiety. He said I know but if you need me call me. It was great to hear this..
After the meeting I decided to go back home. Had a few hours before I needed to make the office. W was sort of surprised. She said I thought you had a meeting. I ack'd and said yes I do it was from 6am-7. I said I had some time to kill and would put S on bus and play with D for 1 hour after. Good communication. I did feel a little uneasy at home but I got through it.
Before I left for the office I told her I took care of the pool for day not to worry and reminded her today was Thursday and I had to be out of the house at 715 for my meeting. I still haven't told her Alanon but I think she knows or gets it. I told her this because last week when I got home she forgot what day it was and I felt this way she would know well in advance. (this is 180 for me because typically I wait til last second out of fear, don't ask me why but I do. Just like last night telling her about 6 am meeting at 11 p.m)
She asked if I was going to work today or working remotely. I said I was going in after errands.
Alanon went great last night. Couple more men joined. It really is nice to hear you're not alone with your control issues....
Also T and others.. Is a common behavior of MLC PARANOIA???? I know we have a history of snooping both of us but it's been so long. Some odd behavior. She gave me her phone to look at picture of kids at park. (iphone) I was zooming in on the picture and she was like in a snappy voice "what are you looking at???" I handed her phone right back and said I was just zooming in on the picture..
Then a few nights ago she noticed my laptop in the basement running 24 x 7. After her yahoo email was hacked (this seems to be happening to many of my friends) she said why is your laptop in the basement running 24 x 7 now. I looked into her eyes and told her the truth that my company no longer allowed my personal PC at work and I had to keep it on to remote login from work to send and check personal emails.
Anyways she seems very paranoid lately which usually gets my anxiety running but oddly enough as I work on myself more and more I understand it is out of my control and my mind is at ease..Just asking to sort of try to relate to the MLC/Hormonal/WAS/Angry/Hurt W I'm living with..
Also a pretty good 180 for me. Kids and her went to neighbors last night and my S asked me to go. W sort of said just the mothers and the kids. In the past I wouldn't have been smart enough to not go or take the hint. I grabbed the weed whacker and did some work.
It was a strange day yesterday. In the morning she was quiet as I told her I was doing 1:1 work and I came home after. After work she was very civil and speaking. After Alanon and open MIC she was cricket silent. So I grabbed my book and worked on myself some more. KD I counted peace signs in my sleep
I wouldn't necessarily call it paranoia, maybe more like exaggerated need for privacy (and we here do it as well, I don't want W to see my posts on this forum, etc). But the mlc'er seems to need privacy like a teenager does...remember when you were a teenager? I do...lol. Plus I have gone through this stage with one teenager, and am beginning the stage with S2...*sigh*.
Part of the process, let it go...
Good job on going about YOUR business last night...be your own, self-contained man. * T^2
Last edited by dbmod; 09/02/1302:50 AM. Reason: *reference not recommended nor allowed
Looking at my W now from a different perspective I can see how it drives you to the crazies.. For example. My W still talks futuristic lingo to me, neighbors, relatives in FRONT of me. 5 minutes after they leave "chirp, chirp,chirpty, chirp, chirp lol" I see it as comical now and paint peace signs inside my head.
T2 maybe I need to read your sitch from day 1. Sounds like your wife was doing some bad online web stuff from the crumbs you put in my threads..
I tell you what this Alanon group I found is a blessing my friend. It is almost as EE workshop as you can get. I can't believe it. I wish it was 3 days a week. Matter of fact I might start a group at my house. That would probably push my W off the deep end lol
As you learn more, you will indeed chage your perspective...and MLC for Dummies is a light, but pretty accurate delivery method. I cannot stress enough to read and STUDY other people's sitches, all the links that Cadet provides, I think are critical to getting through this...but that's just me and my Sherlock Holmes alter-ego...
Even if W and I don't make it, I wouldn't trade this experience...my growth, learning, what I have discovered within me that I never knew I had (at least to the degree this test has shown I have) and who I have become are worth every tear, ulcer, etc.
It's been a journey, and the story is still being written. T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2 thanks I will start doing more of this. T2 it sounds like you've made progress somewhat in your sitch. Curiosity question. Did you W ever come to realize she is in an MLC and admit it? Reason I ask when me and W got back together in January she joked about this to me. That she was in some sort of MLC
