It's a great question, Mach. And the brutally honest answer is no. I never, ever would have done it without losing my wife and son to divorce. Wouldn't even have scratched the surface of what I have done/learned so far. Furthermore, to your point - I pretty much hit rock bottom before I started to do things differently. Before I started to listen to you and others.
Where I struggle (and please understand that this isn't a rejection of what you and others are saying) is that she claims that she hit the bottom, too. I guess the difference is that she hit the "bottom" all while having someone pining away for her to come back. Knowing that she was still loved and wanted. Knowing that I was there. I trust that that is the difference because that is what I'm hearing here.
I think one of my problems is that I am undervaluing all that I have done for her since this ordeal began. I'm under-valuing the emotional value of my presence to her. Basically because logic tells me that if she doesn't want to be a family then she SEES no value in my presence in her life. Otherwise, she would not have chosen divorce. Ergo, me just being there, be available is really nothing of true value to her. Does that make sense? I'm not saying that is REALITY, just that that is how I feel and why I struggle at times. Part of me still clings to the notion that if I am there for her enough she will realize that she DOES need and want me in her life. That she will realize that being a family is a good thing. That we are better off together - for both us and our son....and our little frozen guy. I feel that if I give her a taste of that life - even post-divorce, she will want it back.
Now before someone beats me to it, I know the logical question to ask is "how's that been going for you?" - the answer is "good enough to get her to move back for awhile, but not good enough to change her heart and make her want to be a permanent part of the lives of me and S". I get it, the frankness and honesty of the vets here has not been wasted on me. And I have faith in the fact that what you are telling me I need to do is what needs to be done. I purposely use the word "faith" because as I have said before it goes against what I want to do. But thus is the case with DB.
I'm rolling up my sleeves and digging in, it's just a tough thing for me to do.
