What would your life look like, if not for today ?
How do you choose to see this day as you reflect on it ????
Thanks, more than I got from the W this AM . She didn't even say bye, seemed to want out of house asap. I expected no less from her so no surprises there.
I'll start by saying I'm doing very good today, much better then I thought I'd be. Received a little perception reality check this AM from a good friend and made me rethink some things, I'll get to that in a minute...
Last night I did spin a little bit. I went golfing with friends and had great time then stopped by an Arby's to grab some food. I was only person there and for whatever reason the sitch and the anniversary hit me hard for first time in a LONG time. Thankfully through this process I've figured out how to process feelings, understand what's driving them, and how to move past them once I've let them run their course. I worked through the first 2 steps; yesterday's emotions were a little more intense then normal so for the third step I went for a late night run. I PR'd a 10 mile run by over 1.5 minutes which definitely made me stop thinking. Biggest surprise was my chest didn't explode and I kept the Arby's down...
This morning I woke up and realized I was using anger and hurt to shield myself from the emotions of today. While that would have easily got me through today and I could have even justified it that isn't who I really am. After reading that eye opening e-mail I'm in a better spot now, more in line with who I am and how I like to think about things.
To honor today I'm remembering the good times that made up our M and our lives together. Things like how we met, our wedding day, our honeymoon and the various trips we took, the stupid little moments that would go unnoticed by most people but mean something to me, the times I was there for her when she needed me. I'm not letting myself think about the negatives or the current D process and the emotions that come with that. I'm thinking a lot about the kids and the family times we all enjoyed together. I'm also reflecting on the unconditional love I still have for my W, it's just now a different 'type' of love.
My life - who knows what it would look like. I do know I wouldn't have my kids or the great memories I mentioned above and I can say, even with the hurt, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I also know, for better or for worse, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I likely wouldn't have explored and peeled back the layers on things like obligation, abandonment, love and love languages, honor, self respect, boundaries, co-dependency, etc... I have no idea what my life would look like if it weren't for 6/21/97, what I do know is I like who I am today and my life with my W helped create that man.
How will I reflect on this day... 6/21 has nothing to do with my marriage anymore, it has to do with me honoring my life and the events that shaped my life and made me into the man I am. It made me into a person that is proud of who I am, proud of how I present myself, proud of how I stand for what I believe in, and, most importantly, proud of the legacy that I'm passing on to my kids. It's also spurred a desire to continue to peel back layers and continue to grow, not only for me but also for my children. I'm excited for the future and the legacy that I'm leaving behind. That's how I will reflect on 6/21...
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
. She didn't even say bye, seemed to want out of house asap. I expected no less from her so no surprises there.
and made me rethink some things, I'll get to that in a minute... 