Yesterday I started having a lot of anxiety about all of this stuff. Am I really doing the right thing? Can this really work? Can I really trust her again? Will she ever change?
All normal thoughts to have when you start piecing. We always talk about WAS's being in a fog, but what we don't talk about much is the LBS is often in a fog as well. It's a really strange thing, but both parties go from the middle to polar extremes at BD. The WAS remembers nothing but bad things in the M, the LBS remembers nothing but good. If and when they get to piecing, the LBS starts to come out of the fog and remember that gee, the M may not have been so perfect after all, and oh yeah, that WAS still has a TON of baggage to deal with. The LBS has spent months or even years working on their crap and getting it together while the WAS has basically done no work at all. This is why a lot of the old timers here say that when piecing starts, THAT is when the really tough work begins.
Quote:
Does she make me a better person?
That's a very codependent statement. What makes you a good person is you, not anyone else. You can't look to your W to make you "better". Sure a good spouse can make life pleasant and a bad spouse can make life miserable, but just keep in mind that even if you reconcile, you must still hang onto the new, improved, independent, strong, positive person that DB'ing has helped you become. That is what is drawing your W back, and that is a life change that you want to make permanent.
