need help

[mizjjd]

I found this on the MLC thread belonging to LindaM. Her H is planning to leave her for an OW who lives in Russia and she's very afraid her H and this OW will sexually bond. Really read uRworthy's response closely. I bolded some phrases I thought might help you.

uRw, why do you feel that their physical relationship won't be anything like what I am imagining?

Because this is a relationship born of a man in crisis and a woman cheating with a married man who lives in another country looking to come here. There is no history here, no love, no committment, no commonality, no friendship. This is built on lies and deceit. This is a bandaid at best for your h.

He knows something is wrong. And he is trying frantically to find a fix for it. That is not the stuff love stories are made of, Linda.

When I spoke with my xh long after the affair died on its own, I asked him about it. He said, in the very beginning, for a short while, the sex was exciting. Soon after, when the reality hit that this wasnt going to make him happy, the she was not someone with whom he could go the distance, it wasnt good. For the reasons, I said above.

All the times I thought these amazing things were happening between them, werent.

It took awhile to unravel. He said because he was desperate for it to work. He had left his family for her. He was desperate to feel better, to feel whole. He said that he didnt want to see that it was not going to work and so he kept burying those feelings.

Linda, I know that you want so much to understand it all. But you see, we really can never truly get it as we are not in a crisis.

And so, it is best to just accept that he is broken. And that he thinks this is going to fix it. But it cannot. Unfortunately, that is something he has to figure out on his own.

No amount of worrying or trying to understand is going to stop what has to happen.

We have a couple of choices in all this. We can continue to spin or we can allow what is supposed to happen to happen. And while we do, we get to become who we were meant to be.

If the two of you are meant to look towards each other in the future, you will have become stronger and even more amazing.