GAL, How much time do you and your husband spend each week just having fun? What do you enjoy doing together? What are his biggest emotional needs (usually the things he would complain most about if he didn't get them)?
When you were dating, before marriage, what did that look like?
Unlike many husbands, I happen to be a talker, which is one of the things my wife was drawn to. I have a long history of having female friends (or friend's girlfriends) fall in love with me (not my intent) just because of how I would converse with them. Since I have been with my wife, I have been very conscious to only be pleasant and polite with other women so that I don't lead them on. Even during my wife's EA, I stayed away from other women for comfort because of the danger. However, it was my ability to connect with my wife verbally that I knew would bring her heart back to me. I am keenly aware of just how important good conversation can be to a couple. Most folks start out talking all of the time- until the wee hours of the morning. They think "wow, this person really gets me, we can talk about anything!" then one day, usually after marriage, the husband becomes a deaf/mute (unless he's with his male buddies, of course).
If I were to offer any advice, I would suggest that the two of you schedule time every week to have fun together. He likes golf? Go golfing. Want to try skydiving? Go for it! But do it together, no other couples with you. These activities will give you a common language and experiences to share. I think you'll find you and your husband will be talking much more, and having an enjoyable time doing it. Do you think your husband talks to his guy friends about his "feelings " when he's with them? NO! They joke around, talk about their shared interests, ogle women (sorry, it happens). Why can't the two of you joke around!? Talk about shared interests? Ogle each other?
Don't wait to start enjoying your life together until your relationship is re-built. Re-build your relationship WHILE enjoying your life together.
