I have a request for prayers. W is going to my parents for lunch tomorrow after church. First time she's been since Christmas Day. Afterward, we're going to my brothers to swim. First time she's seen them in months. I hope everyone plays nicely together. Im sure shes anxious.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Prayers are coming your way, Mtnman. I'm sure that she's a little anxious about tomorrow but you know will help her feel at ease so she'll do fine.
I haven't read through your entire thread so I can't offer up much in the way of advice but wanted to let you know that someone is out here praying with and for you both.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Thanks notlikingthis! Everything went really well. Boys were super excited w went with us. Everyone talked to her as if she was just there the day before. W enjoyed it. We swam in the pool and she talked about how we should put in a pool before next summer.
When we got home she immediately left to go to her place. I guess she needed a break. Then came up for me to open Father's Day gifts and cards. Very sweet card from her that had a msg printed about being her partner and being proud to be my wife. She hugged me on the way out to leave.
So a net positive day. Trying to keep expectations at zero.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I'm so happy everything worked out as well as it did! To have everyone "acting as if" is what she needed to feel comfortable. Thinking about the future (putting in a pool before next summer) is what we like to hear from our MLCers.
The card that she gave you is also positive. Don't worry about her having to take a break, she was probably a bit overwhelmed and needed time to process all that happened. We all know that it's good when they do that!
Keeping you and your family in my prayers. Keep doing what you're doing. Relaxed and casual always seems to work with my h. It takes the pressure off and lets them know that you're not angry or upset and that you're accepting them just as they are. I've also found that letting them talk without making comments other than to validate works very well for me when dealing with my h.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Thanks NLT! It's very hard for me not to question and push. When she talks about future stuff I just dream with her. No pressure, no r stuff.
Yesterday when she brought up the pool, I went into planning mode. Where to put it, what size, how to pay for it. What I really wanted to say was, so does that mean we'll still be married next summer, when u moving home, can I get a smooch (not relevant to pool, but), etc.
But, I can't!!! Ahhhhh!!!!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Very sweet card from her that had a msg printed about being her partner and being proud to be my wife. She hugged me on the way out to leave.
So a net positive day. Trying to keep expectations at zero.
Nice job, Mtnman, everything sounds very positive. I know it's difficult to start making those connections emotionally and then wanting more physical as well. What did you say W's LL was? I forgot or didn't know.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I'm not real sure myself. I think it maybe gifts. I've never been able to pin hers down. She seems to respond to me best when I'm discussing funny stuff or buying things.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I need to add that on three different occasions over the last three days, w has complimented my intelligence. First time was in response to a joke she said I was a genius, second was in response to my knowledge of a neighboring state (I knew a podunk town) she said, " is there anyone smarter than you", and then again on a joke, she referenced both the ones before and called me a genius. Even had a couple of handsome compliments.
Today we were riding along and I mentioned working at a local store when I retire. W said, why wait you should do it know so we can put in a pool and get me a new car. Who is separated and talks that way?
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I see so much hope in your wife's words but what scares me is how disjointed they are and how she clearly is separating her actions from those they effect. She needs treatment before she can be in a relationship with you or anyone.
Her issues will not magically disappear, maybe you can her into a regular counseling
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
