Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

Hey everyone. I was really stressed last night. Sorry to throw out everything I did, and I do thank you for everyone's concern.

The boys came home from H's and told me that once again OW was there and they were yelled at repeatedly for not getting to know OW and respecting her as they would "their mother". S14 said H struck him once...for not listening to this.

That really pi$$ed me off. It seemed from S14 that it was borderline discipline/abuse. But I don't care. If things are getting physical now, what is next. I think he is going way to far with this, and as usual, my BIG button, the kids. Hence my BOLD statement last night about not db'ing anymore.

Today after only about two hours of sleep I went to the attorney for more legal advice....still nothing I can do. He has "rights" as their father.

I told S14 to call me or the police if he should feel threatened again. This is ridiculous. S14 said...I just want him out of our lives. So sad to hear your child say that. S14 also stated that he is afraid if he defends himself or his brother that H will retaliate on me and hurt me physically. He is actually afraid of what his dad will do to him and brother.

OW and H are "in love" and S14 says they kiss and say it all the time in front of them and he is so disgusted by it. He asked me "mom, aren't you and dad technically still legally married". I respond "yes". He says "then Dad is still tied to you, what is wrong with him, he is acting so selfish and only does things that benefit him". I asked him to give me examples, yep, a selfish a$$ is the right word...

I wanted to let him burn the relationship bridge with his children on his own. In some ways I will still have to, but I did go down to the court house today and filed every single action I could against him, with the exception of the divorce.

So more long hauling is in order...that court date isn't for another month. This should pan out well. I am still very angry about what happened last night. I was shaking the whole time at the court house.

I found out more stuff, that I would rather not say, but H has a sh!t storm coming at him.

I am actually starting to see the funny side to all this and probably will keep some popcorn on tap for when things do shake out.

Also, as much as I want too, I will not stop DBing. I have found it a great benefit to me, and will need to continue the DB path for future matters that involve the courts, myself and the kids. Db'ing is a way of life I have come accustomed to and like. The only difference is that I am not doing it to save my marriage anymore, I can't see how I can, nor can I see that I want to. I am still angry, and writing this off emotion, so who knows, but at this moment, I don't see what I am trying to save.